What If
by ravinegirl28
Summary: What if Emma and Spinner HAD annulled their marriage? Six months later, Emma's life is a wreck and she's slowly spinning out of control when her parents get a phone call that threatens to destroy her completely. Her friends call Sean home to help keep Emma from going off the deep end. How will she handle the news her loved ones have been hiding for months now? Semma/Janny/Spane
1. Does She Know?

What if...Spinner and Emma DID get their marriage annulled?

AN: Ok so basically everything that's happened so far in Degrassi history has happened EXCEPT for Spinner and Emma staying married in the movie. They actually DID get the annulment and neither one of them wanted to stay together. They just got drunk and stupid one night and they left it at that. They both wanted the annulment and got it with Jay and Manny's blessing. Emma's parents never found out and neither did anyone else. The four of them kept it a secret and this story takes places six months after that. It's currently Christmas break at Degrassi which means Manny is home on break from shooting her tv show, Jane is visiting from Stanford (she and Spinner never had their closure of their relationship ending. Jane went straight from New York to school and this is the first time she will be back home), Emma and Spin are co-workers at the newly re-built Dot (it's not awkward they're good friends now. He's manager, she's just a waitress), Emma is still living back with her parents, ignore the newer generation like Connor and all those guys they're not important to the story so Connor doesn't live there, Jay and Manny are engaged and happy as ever even though he's still living in TO and Manny is in LA shooting her tv show, Sean and Emma have talked briefly through post-cards or quick phone calls while Sean's been in the army, he hasn't been back home to visit since he came Emma's senior year, they're friends (and family) but things are still slightly awkward between them, Sean and Jay are still besties, again NO ONE but the Jay/Emma/Manny/Spinner know about what happened in Niagara Falls. I think that just about covers it. Here we go!

-X-

Emma Nelson was officially done with today! Done with it! She'd been at The Dot since it opened that morning and because Spinner had been so short staffed due to the holidays, Emma had reluctantly given in to his desperate pleas and puppy dogs eyes to get her to stay until closing that night. She'd barely had an hour for a lunch break and her feet were killing her more than usual. Emma had quickly learned after her first shift at The Dot to wear comfortable shoes but there was just no saving them today! She'd been there for almost twelve, yes TWELVE, hours and she currently didn't even have a car to get herself home. When The Dot first got re-built, it was still summer and Emma didn't mind the short walk from her parent's house to her new place of employment. In fact, for a while she came to really enjoy the twenty minutes of silence to destress after a long day slinging Spinwiches to the local masses. But now that December was in full swing, with Christmas only a few short weeks away, Emma had to admit that she needed to just give in and buy a damn car already! Not that she could afford it. All of her paychecks were currently going to pay off her steep student loans from just one year at Smithdale University even though she had dropped out and hadn't wanted to go back since. And anything she had leftover was going to pay the monthly fee to the annulment lawyer she and Spinner had to hire six months ago. Thankfully that was almost paid off completely and in a few short months, she would never have to think about it ever again! Emma hated to think that getting drunk and marrying her friend in Niagara was the one damn reckless thing she had ever done. It drove her nuts to know that she never took chances and the one time she had it had blown up in her face and she had paid dearly for it. Emma was just thankful no one had found out. Thankfully Jay and Spin, who were worse at keeping secrets than she and Manny even, had kept their lips sealed. For a while, working with her ex-husband...oh god...curse those assholes at the chapel that let Spinner Mason become her ex anything, had been really awkward. But Spin wasn't leaving anytime soon and Emma needed the job, and once they sucked it up and forced themselves to get past it, working together hadn't been a problem since. In fact, they'd become pretty good friends over the past months and Spinner had quickly become one of Emma's confidants. With Manny and Liberty gone, Emma was left to mostly hang with Jay and Spinner during her off time. She and Jay had fallen into a very comfortable friendship over their mutual depression of Manny's departure to LA...and of course..Sean. Emma's heart fluttered just at the thought of him. Whenever Sean skipped town, Emma and Jay always somehow found a way to each other to help get them through the void they felt when he was missing. As much as Emma hated to admit it, Jay was a good guy and no matter what had gone down between them in the past she considered him one of her absolute best friends. They spent most of their time discussing his and Manny's relationship and Jay was the only person in the entire world who knew just how much Emma found herself missing Sean. Emma was sure Manny and Spin suspected her unhappiness this past year had a lot to do with the fact that she hardly ever heard from him and he hadn't been back to visit.

Speaking of Spinner…

"Ugh, can we close now?" Emma whined into his ear while he counted money at the register.

They were supposed to stay open until ten o'clock but they'd been noticeably dead for the past two hours. Literally not one person had been in and Emma had done him a huge solid by not only staying late but getting most of his closing prep-work done. The only thing he had left to do was count the registers down and finish up some paperwork. He didn't need her for that and she was more than ready to go!

Spin sighed.

"We're supposed to stay open until ten Emma. You know what happened last time we closed up early, I got my ass handed to me!" Spinner argued back even though he was dying to close up as well.

He heard from Peter that Jane was back in town and Spinner wanted nothing more than to go home and drink until he numbed out the pain of missing her. It had been six months since the two of them had talked and he knew for a fact that she hadn't been back home since she left for New York. Jane's brother Lucas now worked at Tony's with Jay and his bro was always keeping tabs on Jane for him knowing how hard it would be for Spin to have to see her again.

Emma rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Spin it's only fifteen minutes. I'm dying here! And I still have to walk home..in the snow!" Emma reminded him, wiping down the counter for the bajillionth time in the past few hours.

She'd gotten all of the dishes and closing work done already. She'd even cleaned the cappuccino machine, much to her disgust. Spinner had obviously been avoiding the task for quite a while.

Spinner couldn't help but chuckle in her direction. For all the crusading she did for women's rights, Emma sure could be a whiner when she wanted to be.

"Em, come on! Jay told you he'd fix up Snake's old car for you if you got him the parts but the damn thing's been sitting in your driveway for months!" Spinner reminded her.

Emma rolled her eyes. Did he have to bring THAT up? Snake's old 1960's mustang he drove in high school had been sitting in their driveway for years now. Snake had finally broken down and agreed to let Emma have it since he knew Jay could get it running for a good price for her, but Emma had put off doing it until the last minute. Spinner and Snake bugged her about it on the regular but no one seemed to understand why she just couldn't find the motivation to get it fixed up. One day Jay had figured it out completely by accident. He'd remembered that while Sean was staying at Emma's after his stint in jail, he and Snake always talked about fixing it up for him. It was supposed to be their pseudo father/son project that never even got started. Sean couldn't find it in her heart to drive the car herself even though it would was given to her for free and Jay basically would fix it for hardly anything. But it almost broke Emma's heart to do that. She felt pathetic about it, but she secretly hoped that someday Sean would come back and everything in her life would return to normal. Like he would just show up at her door and suddenly her life would stop spinning out of control and everything would snap right back into place. She wasn't ready to give up yet even though it had been two years since she'd seen his face, months since he'd made one of his short phone calls from god knows where, weeks since she'd received his last postcard. The postcards never said much usually just a hi I'm thinking of you or I hope all is well or her personal favorite where he only signed his name and nothing else. Emma had only known where he'd been the past few years because almost weekly like clockwork she would receive a new postcard from a new place. Not once had he sent her one from the same place. He'd been travelling weekly and Emma would be lying if she said she wished his postcards would give more information. His phone calls usually lasted no longer than fifteen minutes and he spent most of the time asking her how she was. They were pretty sporadic at best and he usually lost service and their calls were cut short anyways. The only thing Emma could count on from him were the postcards. She kept every single one of them in a box under her bed with other various items from their past...photos, old notes, long letters he'd sent her from the few months he'd spent in jail, long letters she used to get from him when he first joined the army, old cards, and of course the one worldly possession Sean dared to leave at her home (the one place he considered his home to be) an old cigar box filled with a few things. Mostly they were photos of him and Emma and a few other things. Emma had never dared go through it knowing that it wasn't her place. She only kept it for him because he'd asked her to. He trusted her and she wasn't going to break that by going through the tiny amount of things he had kept even though most nights she was dying to.

"I'll get it fixed eventually, Spin. I just haven't had the extra cash. Maybe after I finish my payments to the lawyer I'll have enough."

Spinner shut his mouth at that. Emma knew he felt responsible for their marriage and even though she felt guilty for using it against him, she just wasn't in the mood for the interrogation tonight. She'd been in a worse mood than usual for the past week and it seemed like nothing could snap her out of it!

Spin coughed awkwardly and looked around. He had to admit, Emma was right, they were dead. It was time to call it a night.

"Alright, go ahead and go. Just don't forget to lock the door on the way out."

"thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Emma squealed, clocking out quickly and making her way towards the exit.

She gave Spin a big sloppy kiss on the cheek on her way out.

Spinner ughed and pushed her off laughing.

"Yeah, yeah get out!" he joked.

Emma laughed back.

"See you tomorrow! And Spin, don't call me in early!" she warned before turning off the open sign and locking the door on the way out.

Spinner was left in silence and for the first time since Peter had given him the news on his lunch break did he let himself really feel it. Jane was back in town. Shit.

-X-

Jay whistled the tune to jingle bells as he pulled the civic into a rare prime parking spot at the airport. He was finally going to see his girl after three long devastatingly celibate months. He could hardly contain his joy, or his raging hard on, as he screeched to a stop and got out of the car. Jay wasn't usually a lovey dovey kind of guy but he had to admit he missed cuddling with Manny more than anything. There was just something about that girl that turned him into a big pile of mush! He continued to whistle happily during the long trek inside, not even letting the freezing weather bother him...that is until his phone vibrated in his pocket.

Jay knew without even looking that it was Emma calling him. She'd be getting out of work right about now and it was their usual routine to chat on the phone while she walked home. Emma would never admit it but she was terrified of walking alone at night...probably some kind of PTSD from the shooting...or from that creep she met on the internet when she was twelve that tried to make a kiddie porno of her before selling her to the highest creepy bidder online. That was a shocker when Jay had found out about it a few months ago from Manny. Once a year, Emma got into a funk around the month of August when it had originally happened. Jay was being particularly harsh with her that week, just bugging her like he always did but this time Emma had burst into tears and locked herself in her basement bedroom and refused to speak to him. She had never done that in all the years he had known her, even before they were friends. And Manny had to explain it to him and then he felt like the biggest asshole in the world! She hadn't stayed mad for long, but Jay was beginning to understand her better after all this time. And as much as he didn't want to answer her call right now he knew he had to or Emma would get herself worked up into a panic. The slightest chance in routine could set that girl's nerves off like no other! And once Emma found out he was lying to her, she would already be pissed why make it worse?

"Hey GP how's it hanginnn?" Jay sang into the phone, avoiding going inside the warm airport.

Once in, he would likely lose service or Emma would hear all the background noise and immediately know something was up. Emma and Manny were like freaking detectives when it came to finding things out! Keeping secrets was hard around them! Not that Jay kept a lot of secrets or anything…

"I hate Spinner. We aren't friends with him anymore." Emma's sarcastic voice sang through the phone and Jay couldn't help but laugh.

It surprised the shit out of him that he and Emma had become such close friends but now that it was done he couldn't see it any other way.

"What did he do now? Make you clean the rank ass capp machine?"

Emma giggled from the other line and Jay's stomach dropped. She sounded like she was in good spirits and he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Since when did Jay Hogart feel guilt? Must be that damn Manny. She softened him like a stick of butter.

"More like made me work almost twelve hours today...and I volunteered to clean it. Remind me not to do that again!"

Jay kept up his part of the conversation while still trying to rush her off the phone. He didn't want her to suspect anything but he was running late!

"Look Greenpeace, I gotta bounce."

He heard her hesitation over the phone and felt like a jerk. She'd been having such a hard time lately and here he was about to make things even worse!

"Why got a hot date or something?" She joked.

Even though Jay knew she was actually trying to find out what he was doing. He rarely made plans without her or Spin these days and she had every right to question him. He only wished they could have had this conversation before he was running late!

Jay snorted.

"Yeah with my left hand, wanna listen?"

He heard her disgust through the phone when she "ewwwwwed" him and he had to laugh. Nothing better than freaking out Cause Girl. He'd been doing it for years and still hadn't tired of it.

"I'll take that as a no?" he joked.

Emma snorted.

"Take that as a hell no you perv!"

Jay laughed.

"Call me later?"

Uh oh, she must have been having a really bad night. She usually didn't ask Jay to call her later which was almost always code for come over later and we can get drunk and mope about Sean. Ugh, he so didn't have time for this.

"Yeah, sure. See ya." he didn't give her a chance to argue before he hung up.

She definitely knew something was up by now but he just didn't have time! Jay ran into the airport and didn't waste time running up the escalator to the right terminal. By the time he reached baggage claim, he was out of breathe and scanning the crowd like crazy. Manny was going to kill him!

"Told you he would be late." Jay heard his best friend's voice before he saw him.

"Guess I owe you a drink." Manny joked as Jay turned around and saw the love of his life standing next to his long lost best friend Sean Cameron.

"Booooo!" Manny squealed before jumping into his open arms.

"Dimples!" he breathed in the scent of her hair and Jay swore he felt at complete peace.

Manny was the only person in the entire world that could do that for him and he was so damn happy she was finally home!

"Ugh, I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing the two of you together." Sean joked, holding his bag over his shoulder and guarding Manny's four suitcases while her and Jay kissed and hugged and whispered sweet nothings.

Sean felt a pang in his heart...he wished Emma was here to greet him at the airport. But idiot that he was didn't tell her he was coming.

"Get over it dude." Jay finally put Manny down and made his way over to Sean.

Sean basically looked the same as he had last time Jay had seen him. His muscles were a little more defined and his hair a little shorter than he usually kept it, but it was the same old Sean.

"Cammmmm!" They slapped hands and hugged and Sean found himself laughing along with Jay at nothing per usual.

"Some things never change." Manny singsonged from behind them.

The boys finally pulled apart and Jay grabbed half of Manny's bags and in one arm and her hand in the other before leading two of his favorite people towards his car.

Sean grabbed Manny's other bags and the three of them joked and laughed the entire way to the parking garage.

"Still got the wife I see," Sean pointed to Jay's Civic which was in just as good condition now as it had been the day Sean met him.

Manny swatted Sean's arm and Jay just laughed giving Sean a "yeah like I'd ever give up my baby" look when Manny wasn't paying attention.

The boys spent a good amount of time getting Manny's luggage piled into the car just the way she wanted it before they finally loaded in and were on their way. As they got closer and closer back home the air in the car changed and the three of them were suddenly tense as hell.

Sean finally snapped, he couldn't take avoiding it any longer!

"Does she know?" he breathed out.

Jay immediately tensed up in the front seat and Manny avoided eye contact, looking out the window like her life depended on it.

"NO." Jay responded simply.

There was no way to sugarcoat it.

"Sean...are you sure it was a good idea to do it this way?" Manny whined from the front seat.

If Emma knew what was going on, she would kill them. Manny hated it when she and Emma fought. And the three of them had all been on the receiving end of the Emma Nelson wrath at one point over all the years they had known each other. This wasn't going to be pretty.

Sean sighed.

"It's too late now."

The three of them took that in an agreed. It WAS too late now. There was no going back.

"She's going to hate me." Sean murmured so low, Jay almost didn't hear him.

"Maybe at first," Jay agreed before Manny slapped him on the arm and he yelled in protest.

"OW what the hell?"

Manny gave him her mom look.

"Not helping boo."

Jay snorted.

"Well I'm not gonna lie to the man. I told you on the phone yesterday that Emma hasn't been herself in months. She's gonna be pissed. We all knew that going into it."

Manny shut up at his words knowing he was right. There was no going back now. They were in it to win it.

"How long to do you think it will take her to get over it?" Sean asked, already knowing the answer.

"Get over it?" Jay snorted.

The three of them shared a small laugh. Emma didn't get over things easy, ever. They were gonna be in the dog house for a while.

"Do her parents know?" Sean couldn't help but ask.

He'd been missing Snake almost as much as Emma even though he hardly ever got the chance to talk to him anymore. That was the risk he took when he left town and didn't bother to update them on where he'd been. But he had to do it, not just for him but for all of them. They would understand eventually why he'd done what he had to do. He hated running away again after all they had done for him, but he didn't feel like he had a choice at the time.

"Yeah, they know. Her mom wasn't happy about lying to her but Snake has been running around all week excited as hell." Jay admitted meeting Sean's eyes in the rear view mirror.

"Really?" Sean squeaked instantly excited.

It still amazed him that Snake was such a good father figure to him even after all this time. After all he had done and Snake welcomed him back with open arms every time. Every. Damn. Time. That gave Sean more hope over the years than he could ever explain to anyone.

"Aw come on Cam you know you're his favorite kid!"

Manny and Jay laughed from the front seat and Sean couldn't help but crack a smile. Snake only had one biological child but he'd adopted Emma, Manny, and Sean as his own for all these years and the three of them were better human beings for it. Archie Simpson was the greatest man Sean had ever known and he couldn't ask for a better father even if it wasn't by blood.

The three of them let the silence wash over them for a minute before Sean spoke again.

"Maybe I shouldn't be doing this to her?" he wondered aloud.

Jay and Manny shared a look of annoyance before Manny turned to face him in the back.

"Now isn't the time to doubt yourself, Sean." She told him sternly, giving him her evil mom glare.

"Damn." Sean muttered under his breath.

Jay laughed.

"As much as I detest the Manny Santos mom glare, she kinda has a point dude. We planned it this way for a reason." Jay reminded him.

Sean nodded.

He knew. He just hated to barge in on Emma's life like this. He'd been doing it for years, just dropping in and out and raging through her emotions like a storm. Every time he left something horrible happened and he was grateful for the fact that Jay had been keeping an eye on her for him. Luckily nothing horrible had happened this time but they all knew Emma wasn't happy. She hadn't been for a long time and Sean was done trying to stay out of it. When Manny had called him months ago and told him what was going on, he knew it was time to come home. He wished he could have timed it a little better but truth was that his time was up in the army. He could have chosen to do another few years or get out now and instead of staying like he originally planned, Sean knew he needed to come home to Emma. He needed to be there for her. He couldn't believe that Emma never told him what was going on! She'd dropped out of college after she'd almost gotten kicked out for smoking a shit ton of weed and passing it around at a dorm party in edible form. She blew up The Dot. She got drunk and fucked Spinner in Niagara, which by the way he was still pissed about. And now she was working as a waitress spending her days smoking down with Jay and Spin and drinking more than she would probably like to admit. That wasn't like her at all! Her life had fallen apart and then her parents got that damn phone call two months ago and that had changed everything. Everything. Emma still didn't know. Her parents and Manny and Jay were too afraid she would fall apart completely and knowing her past, they couldn't afford that. Sean finally snapped out of it and realized he needed to step up and finally be the hero that Emma deserved. Problem is...would she let him be? Especially after she found out she'd been lied to by the people she loved for months?

"Well here we are, home sweet home." Jay said grimly as they passed the sign letting them know they were entering Degrassi.

Sean sighed and looked out the window. The snow was falling rapidly and even despite the car's heater the back windows were fogged up.

Sean raised his hand and drew a sloppy tornado symbol in the frost with his finger. Emma always had called him hurricane Sean it was only fitting. He was about to whirl back into her life and tear it all apart again. He only hoped that this time Emma wouldn't hate him as much as what he deserved.

-X-

Emma had just gotten out of the shower when she heard her phone ringing from her bed where she'd dumped her purse the minute she walked in the door. She immediately kicked off her sneakers and stripped off her clothes and indulged in as long of a shower as she wanted. The entire time of course her conversation with Jay had nagged at her. He sounded weird as hell but Emma couldn't figure out why. Was he keeping something from her? And if so, what? Since when did Jay lie to her about anything? Their friendship had it's flaws but their one rule was complete and total honesty. He better not be screwing around on Manny or Emma would make sure he didn't live to see another day.

Emma rushed into her room and dug through her purse for her phone.

"H'lo" she answered breathlessly, barely catching it before it hit voicemail.

"Damn Greenpeace you're out of breath. Am I interrupting something?" Emma heard Jay's laughter from the other line.

"Ha, ha very funny. You're the one that told me he had a date with his left hand tonight." Emma joked back wanting to be pissed at him but also incredibly glad he called.

The nights lately were the worst on her. When Jay came by with a little weed to calm her nerves, Emma could usually get at least a few hours of sleep unlike most nights when she got hardly any.

"Turns out my left hand is cheaper than Amy was."

Emma laughed at that, a true hearty laugh and she sat down on her bed.

We towel be damned.

"So when are you stopping by? Mom and Snake are still out for their date night and Jack's at a friends. If you get here soon we can smoke in my room without having to go out in the freezing ass cold."

Jay sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Already here GP. In the driveway."

Emma was confused. Jay never showed up unannounced.

"Ok, just let me throw on some clothes I'll meet you at the door."

Jay hung up without another word.

Emma threw on some sweats and one of Sean's old sweatshirts from his Tony's Auto Shop before she ran a quick comb through her hair and jogged up the stairs. She didn't need makeup or perfume around Jay it's not like she was ever trying to impress him. They were friends. She turned on the living room lights and threw open the front door.

Her heart dropped into her stomach and Emma felt like she was going to pass out. Jay wasn't alone at the door. Standing next to him was her oldest friend in the world Manny Santos...and the guy who had broken her heart more times than she could count, Sean Cameron.

Sean was home.

-X-

AN: So I originally planned this as a one-shot but it kind of took on a life of it's own and I'm making it into a short story now. As the first chapter it's kind of a long one but I wanted to explain a little about what's been going on with the characters. REVIEW! I also want votes on what you guys think the big secret should be! Should I make this story more emotional or more scary? Maybe a little mini christmas thriller? Or maybe just something emotional that hits you right in the feels? What do you think? REVIEWS PLEASE!


	2. He's Alive

For a brief minute, Emma didn't know what to say or how to react. The three people the knew her best in the entire world were standing on her front door step in the snow looking at her as if she was going to break like glass right in front of their eyes.

Manny looked at her with guilt and tears forming. Jay scratched the back of his head and avoided eye contact. Sean cough awkwardly and stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his expression was blank. Emma probably looked like a deer in headlights to them but she couldn't seem to find her words.

"Em…" Manny was the first to speak although it was obvious she didn't know what to say either.

"What is this?" Emma questioned, trying in vain to keep the venom out of her voice.

But like she said before the three of them knew her better than anyone, they weren't fooled.

"Cool it Sprout, we come in peace." Jay was always the first to make a joke out of her pain and Emma scoffed at him.

Jay held his hands up in mock surrender and Manny had all but burst into tears.

"Well, come in." Emma moved aside to let her friends in and they looked grateful.

What did they think she was going to yell at them and then leave them out in the snow? She might not have known what was going on but she was trying to keep her cool until she found out.

Manny, Sean, and Jay shuffled awkwardly into the Emma's house and they sat together on the couch. Emma at across from them in her mom's favorite overstuffed green chair.

"Cold night out." Jay tried to start conversation but it was met with a death glare from Manny and a "dude seriously" look from Sean.

Even Emma looked at him like he had lost his mind.

"Just trying to break the ice…" Jay muttered awkwardly.

Jeez, his friends were so damn dramatic. It's not like Sean had killed her puppy or anything. The two of them had supposedly ended things on good terms. Emma should be happy to see him!

"What's going on you guys?" Emma couldn't take it anymore.

They were all acting weird as hell and it was about damn time she found out why.

"Em, I know this is weird...us coming here like this.." Sean started but Emma cut him off.

"Weird? Try Twilight Zone, Sean. Is this even real right now? Am I high?" Emma actually looked over at Jay for an answer as if the two of them had just been tripping on her couch and she was just now coming to.

Jay snorted.

"This is as real as it gets GP."

Emma nodded taking it all in. She still didn't really know what to say.

"Well?" She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for a response.

Sean opened his mouth to say something but Manny finally broke down and cut in.

"Em, we were worried about you! I know things have been hard since you dropped out of school. And even though I haven't been home much since Niagara, I know you've been...coasting." Manny looked helplessly at Jay for answers.

Jay rolled his eyes. Ugh, did he have to do everything?

"Look, Em, what she means is that the fire you used to have in your eyes? It's gonzo. Has been for a while. We're all worried about you. You're drinking more than you should be and when's the last time you went a night without needing a joint to sleep?" Jay wasn't about to sugarcoat it all.

Emma rolled her eyes and gave her three friends death glares from across the room.

"Is that what all this is about? I'm fine! I'm more than old enough to drink and it's not like I go out partying every night! I just drink here at the house or with you Jay. And so what about the pot? I'm not doing anything wrong! It's an herb for christ sakes!" Emma huffed.

Leave it to Jay and Manny to bring home Sean for an Emma's losing her mind intervention! She was fine!

"Em, come on. Things haven't been the same since.."

Emma saw Sean stiffen on the couch and instantly knew her friends had told them about Spinner. Emma saw red and her temper flared.

"You told him? Really? What the hell is wrong with you guys?" Emma looked at Manny as if it was the worst betrayal that had ever happened to her and tears instantly squeezed out Manny's eyes.

"As I was saying! You haven't been the same since we got back from Niagara Emma. Something is wrong. And you've been known to check out in the past. We just want you to know we are here for you." Jay tried to keep things on point.

Emma felt her eyes burn with tears and didn't know if it was out of shame or anger at her friends.

"Yeah you guys are really here for me. You not only told someone else that Spinner and I got married but you told the one person you knew I wanted to never find out!"

Emma instantly realized her mistake when she saw the hurt in Sean's eyes.

Jay sighed.

"We didn't Emma. We told him you guys hooked up but that's it I swear! It was only between the four of us...until now.."

Jay and Manny looked over at Sean afraid of what he would do next but Emma took the opportunity to avoid eye contact. Sean's face was frozen into a scowl but they all knew he was only trying to mask the hurt they saw in his eyes.

"Married?" he grit out between his teeth.

Emma's eyes finally locked with his. She let her pain show and so did he. They were both taken back by what they saw. Sean didn't know if he wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her or go beat the shit out of Spinner. Could he get away with doing both?

"By...accident.." Emma managed to say.

Sean snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Accident? How does that work?"

Manny put her arm on Sean's to remind him of why they were there. Sean softened a little bit but his anger was still visible.

"We were in Niagara gambling and drinking and before Spinner or I even knew what happened we woke up in bed together married. Neither one of us even remember it. We got it annulled the second we got back in town." Emma admitted.

As much as Sean wanted to let the old him come out and get angry as hell at her and storm out of here he knew he couldn't do that. He wasn't that guy anymore, and Emma didn't need that right now. None of them needed that right now. So Sean did the only thing he could do...he nodded his head and changed his expression back to neutral.

His friends all looked at him like he had gone mad. Even Jay was shocked he didn't have to hold Sean back from going apeshit on poor Spin.

"That's it?" Emma asked him with disbelief dripping off her words.

Sean nodded.

"That's it."

That stunned Emma into calming down a little bit and the four friends all took a sigh of relief.

"Ok, so no one has yet to tell me what the hell is going on! What is this some kind of intervention?" Emma looked at them with mistrust.

"Not exactly…" Jay said.

Emma looked to Manny for more but she was silently crying. Sean was the one that finally spoke up.

"We're here for support."

Emma laughed.

"For support? What so I won't smoke pot anymore? Jeez ok mom!"

"Not exactly…" Jay said again and Emma looked at him with annoyance.

"Ok then what exactly?" Emma mocked him.

Sean opened his mouth to explain but Manny once again cut him off.

"Your parents called me two months ago in LA. They got a phone call they thought I should know about. " she burst out.

"okayyyy…" Emma was so confused.

"It's about Rick." Sean explained.

Emma froze. Rick? WHAT? They hadn't spoken about him in years.

"He's alive Emma." Sean choked out.

WHAT? Rick was alive? Emma felt dizzy as she jumped to her feet.

"Oh shit, she's gonna pass out." Jay yelled.

And that's the last thing Emma heard before her world went black.

-X-

Spinner was still back at The Dot, finally done closing up and ready to leave. He turned off the lights and walked out, locking the door behind him. Spinner barely had a minute to breath a sigh of relief when he heard footsteps.

"Spinner!"

Spin froze in his spot and sighed. He didn't have to turn around to know who it was. Jane. He hadn't seen her in six months and when he turned to face her he gasped. Her hair had been cut into a short bob around her chin and lightened a honey blonde. Her makeup was lighter than usual but she was dressed the same. Nose ring, black nail polish, skinny jeans, combat boots, leather jacket. IT was her alright.

"Jane." he breathed.

What should he say? What should he do? The two of them just kind of stood there awkwardly staring at one another until Jane finally broke the silence.

"Can we...talk?" she said to quietly Spin almost didn't hear her.

HE opened his mouth to yell at her and tell her to get away from him but the words sputtered and died in his throat and he found himself nodding a silent yes. Jane looked relieved and for a minute, Spinner almost believed she still cared about him. But he'd spent the better part of the past six months convincing himself that she never cared. That they were just friends that got confused about their feelings and their love wasn't real.

But the way Jane was standing there staring at him, had him confused. Maybe he had been wrong all this time? Maybe she genuinely did regret cheating on him. Spinner hated to admit it, but he had really missed her.

"Can we go back to your place? I'm staying at my mom's and we won't get much privacy there." Jane admitted, avoiding his eyes.

Spinner finally found his voice and spoke to her after six long months of silence.

"Yeah, let's go."

She followed him to his car and they both got in. It was awkward. Neither of them knew what to say but they were both glad to just be near each other again.

"So...what's new?" Jane joked as Spin pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards his apartment.

Spinner laughed.

"Same old, same old. How about you?"

Jane began to fill him in on her life in Stanford and the awkward feeling they had just encountered minutes before began to melt away. Maybe things would be ok afterall?

Before Jane had a chance to tell him about her weird roommate back at school, they were at his apartment. Ok, it was weird again. Spin led her upstairs and before either of them knew it, they were alone for the first time since their breakup.

"Jane, not to be a dick here but what's going on?" Spin couldn't take it anymore.

Jane looked at him confused.

"Going on?" she asked.

Spinner sighed.

"Why are you here Jane?"

-X-

When Emma opened her eyes she saw Jay, Manny, and Sean all standing above her arguing.

"She needs water, Jay!" Manny yelled shaking a water bottle in his face.

"No, she needs to wake up! Just shake her or something!" Jay yelled back.

"No she needs space!" Sean put in his two cents.

"What Emma needs is an explanation." Emma croaked out, her throat feeling dry.

The three of them jumped back as if she had scared them before they all instantly went into mom mode. Manny shoved some water at her while Sean tried to help her sit up and Jay shoved pillows around her.

"I'm fine!" Emma snapped sick of all the fussing.

That seemed to snap them out of it and they sat down. Sean on the coffee table facing her, Manny right next to her on the couch and Jay next to Manny.

Emma looked at Sean and their eyes locked.

"How could this happen?" she whispered and Sean felt himself melt.

None of them deserved this, least of all Emma. Jimmy may of been shot that day, but Sean was willing to bet that Emma had lost the most. She once told him she thought she lost part of her soul that day in the hallway and Sean knew the shooting still took it's toll on her emotionally.

"I don't know." Sean said softly. And he didn't.

He'd been just as shocked as anyone.

"He was dead, Sean. We saw it."

Manny squeezed her hand and she felt Jay's arm touch her shoulder for support but Emma barely felt it. The only thing she could focus on was Sean's eyes. No one but him could understand how she felt right now. And that must have been why Manny and Jay had brought him back to her. She owed her friends a huge apology in the morning.

"Apparently not. After they got us out of the hallway, the paramedics rushed Rick to the hospital and managed to save his life. He's been in a coma this entire time. He woke up two months ago." Sean was telling her all the facts trying to keep his emotions out of it but it was hard to do.

"Why did nobody tell us?"

Sean shrugged.

"The detective in charge of the case felt it was imperative to put Rick in witness protection. After what happened with Terri and how badly Rick was bullied at school, they made the decision along with his parents to put him in protective custody in case he woke up. And at first the doctors thought he would."

Tears streamed silently down Emma's face.

"So he's awake. Why are they telling us now?"

This was the hard part. Sean opened his mouth to tell her but Manny cut him off and for the first time all night he was grateful for it.

"Because he wants to see you Em." she said.

Emma almost choked on her own spit.

"What?" maybe she heard Manny wrong?

"He's been asking for you Emma. He wants to see you."

-X-

AN: So I just kinda started writing and went with it! This is what came out! RICKS ALIVE! Muahahaha. Ok, I'm done. REVIEW!


	3. Remember Terri?

"He's been asking for you Emma. He wants to see you."

Emma's face went pale as a ghost and the spit dried in her mouth as she tried to comprehend what Manny and Sean were trying to tell her. Not only was Rick alive but he wanted to see her? How could this happen?

"Toby." Emma croaked out, her throat bone dry.

Sean looked at her with confusion and Manny's hand wrapped tighter around her own.

"Toby! And Jimmy. And Spin! Oh god did someone tell Spinner?" Emma's voice became more frantic by the minute and her friends tried to calm her down.

"Greenpeace, who, take a chill for a second." Jay said from the other end of the couch.

Manny still had tears in her eyes even though she was trying her hardest to be strong for Emma and Sean put his hands on Emma's knees to keep her seated.

The minute she felt Sean touch her, Emma instantly calmed down. He'd been doing it for years it wouldn't have been that big of a shock to her but she found herself surprised that Sean still had that ability even after all this time. Her eyes locked with his and she could tell that he felt it too. That spark...that current..that electricity that zoomed through them whenever the two of them touched. It had always been that way and it appeared that Manny was right, some things never changed.

Emma took a calming breath before she tried to speak again. This time she spoke only to Sean.

"Who else knows?" she asked behind gritted teeth.

Getting information from these people was harder than it should have been! Manny and Jay were the biggest gossip queens she knew!

Manny went to answer her, but this time Sean cut HER off. Emma was having a hard enough time as it was, Manny being overly emotional and Jay being overly asshole wasn't helping anything. Sean just wanted to give her the information straight up and be there for her when she fell apart...and Sean knew she would even if it wasn't right away and this time he would be damned if he wasn't going to be there for her.

"Jimmy was already notified because technically he was the only one injured in the shooting. No one else knows. When Rick woke up, he only requested to speak with you. He denied being put in protective custody against everyone's wishes. He's been released from witness protection today. We wanted to wait to tell Toby and Spin until after you found out."

Emma nodded trying to take it all in. Her friends let her have a moment of silence. Her thoughts were racing a million miles a minute.

Manny knew she shouldn't be thinking of anything else but her best friend right now, but she couldn't help letting her thoughts drift to this morning. She'd taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. She and Jay hadn't been together for three months. Manny didn't know how she could have possibly missed not realizing her period didn't come that entire time. She'd just been so busy shooting the show that she barely had a second to herself. Even if she wanted another abortion, which she didn't, it was now too late to choose. She was terrified to tell Jay but at the same time she'd been dying to talk to him about it since he picked her up at the airport. When were they going to have a minute to even discuss this with everything that was going on? No wonder she couldn't stop crying. Pregnancy hormones!

Jay let his thoughts wander also...he couldn't believe Rick Murray was alive! Even after knowing for a few months, it was still surreal. That was why he'd been partying a little extra hard with Emma and Spin lately, the guilt was back. He'd spent a good amount of time in the ravine trying to drown it out when the shooting had first happened and he became an even bigger asshole than he usually was. He even preyed on Emma knowing that Sean was still in love with her even though they weren't together at the time. Emma liked to remind him that she made her own decisions in the ravine and what had gone down between them ONCE was ages ago. Bygones be bygones. But Jay had been letting the guilt eat him alive again. He didn't know what to do. He was torn between being the grown up good guy he was when he was with Manny and between becoming that drugged out man-whore asshole he was when all of this had first happened. Should he talk to her? God, here he was being a selfish prick AGAIN when he friends needed him! He should just do everyone a favor and disappear from their lives now before he made things any worse.

Sean tried to keep his breathing normal as he watched Emma from his spot on the table. His hands were still firmly on her knees, keeping her grounded and he could tell she was deep in thought. His mind was racing pretty quickly too. Emma and Spinner got married? MARRIED? Which meant that Emma was divorced now? Or she said they got the marriage annulled? Ugh! He tried hard not to be so disgusted by the situation but he couldn't help it! That now made his two best friends that had hooked up with Emma. At least with Jay, he hadn't touched her more than some light making out and he certainly hadn't seen her naked! But with Spin? God, Spin had not only seen her naked but gotten to touch her intimately and kiss her and fuck her. It made Sean see red to even think about it! It was worse than when he found out about the ravine. He felt like such an asshole for obsessing about this when there was so much else going on but he couldn't help it! Did Emma care about Spinner? She said she didn't even remember their night together...was there more than one night? Did Spinner make her come the way Sean used to?

Emma looked up at Sean inquisitively quirking her eyebrow at him. What on earth was he thinking about with his jaw set like that...his eyes so intense? It had felt like she hadn't seen him in ages and it had been even longer since they'd touched. It felt good to have his hands on her again even if he only meant it in a reassuring gesture. What did all this mean?

"So what does this mean? Is he just going to come back here and live in town like nothing ever happened? Am I going to have to see him when I run into him at the grocery store? Gonna have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life because of what happened when I was fifteen?" Emma felt tears spring into her eyes before she could contain them.

Before she knew it they were streaming down her cheeks at an alarming rate and she tried to keep her breathing under control so she wouldn't have a panic attack. She couldn't afford to have another one. Not after last time.

Her friends let her grieve silently for a few minutes before Sean couldn't take it anymore. He pushed Manny aside and pulled Emma into his arms. At first she stiffened but soon melted into his touch and let him hold her as she cried into his chest.

Manny and Jay moved to the loveseat across the room and Jay held his girl tightly, feeling her tremble beside him. She was trying so hard to keep it together for their friend but he knew the minute he got Manny out of there that she would break down. She had a heart of gold and nothing hurt her more than seeing the people she loved hurt. The two of them huddled close together and stayed silent while they watched Sean whisper reassuring things to Emma while he calmed her down. Seeing how quickly that Emma's breathing became normal again and her tears turned to small sniffles just reassured Manny that she had made the right decision in calling Sean and asking him to come home. She and Jay had gone back and forth about it for weeks before he finally left the decision up to her and supported her completely when she decided that bringing Sean home would be the best thing for her friend.

"Why? Why me?" Emma whispered against Sean's chest when she was calm enough to speak again.

Sean didn't loosen his grip on her as he tried to explain.

"I don't know, Em. He woke up and you were the first thing he asked for. Everyone tried to explain the situation to him...that it would be easier for everyone if he just took the new identity and faded into the sunset like he was supposed to. There was no need for a trial. Rick confessed to everything, even telling them I shot him by accident and in self defense. He was supposed to be checked into a psychiatric facility for a year before they decided whether or not he would go to prison."

Emma pulled away from Sean slightly to look into his eyes.

"Is he still going?" she asked afraid to know the answer.

Sean nodded.

"Yeah, he was moved to the Smithgrove Sanitarium this morning. It's up by Wasaga, a few towns over."

Emma sighed. At least he wasn't just roaming around free to go where he pleased.

"So why even tell me? Why does it matter if he wants to see me anyways?" Emma huffed.

She could have gone the rest of her life without knowing all of this! Why did they have to tell her? They should have known she wouldn't be willing to talk to him.

"Emma do you remember Terri Mcgregor?"

Emma pulled further out of Sean's arms and looked up at him confused. Terri? What did she have to do with all of this? But then again in a way, Terri was where all of this started wasn't it?

"Yeah...she's the reason why everyone bullied Rick so badly when he came back to Degrassi. Because he put her in a coma. Didn't she transfer to some private school after she woke up?"

Sean broke eye contact with her and sighed. He really didn't want to be the one to tell her all of this, he still couldn't believe it all himself. It was just so damn hard to tell Emma who was looking at him with more sadness and pain in her eyes than he could remember ever being there before. He felt responsible for that. Maybe if he wouldn't have left, things would have gone better for her.

"She did. The day of the shooting, Rick disappeared for a while after the whole paint and feather prank, remember?"

Emma nodded her head slowly. They always just assumed when he'd been gone for two hours and come back that it was during that time that he went back to his house for the gun.

"Well apparently during that time Terri was at home in Degrassi visiting during a break they had from school. She went missing from her home that day and no one has seen her since."

Emma felt like someone had just punched her in the gut. How could not one person have known about this? After all this time?

"And they think Rick took her?" Emma guessed.

She could tell from Sean's facial expression that it was much worse than that.

"They know Rick took her, Em. It's long been assumed that she's been dead. And Rick even confessed to killing her. But he won't tell them how it happened or where he hid the body unless…" Sean broke off feeling himself get emotional.

He didn't want to do this to her. It wasn't fair! Emma had already been through so much.

"Unless...I talk to him?" Emma finished for him.

Sean gulped and nodded.

"So if I refuse to meet with him, then Terri's family never gets closure and she won't get to be buried in peace? But if I do meet with him...then...what?"

Sean sighed. It still got worse.

"If you decide you wanna do this, we have to meet with the detective in charge of the case to know for sure all the details. But from what I've been told, Rick wants to have one meeting with you a week for the next two months. He says that only then, if his demands have been met, that he will tell us where he buried her."

Emma gulped.

"So I would not only have to see him, but I would have to see him several times over the next few months going along with whatever the hell it is that he wants?" Emma's temper flared and she wanted to destroy the entire room.

She wanted to flip tables and throw picture frames and smash mirrors and slash holes in the stuffing of the couch until there was nothing left. She couldn't believe that even after all this time that Rick Murray still had so much damn control over her.

"I won't let that happen, Em. That's why I came home. To protect you." Sean whispered fiercely, pulling her into another hug.

Emma let him squeeze her tight to his chest and she had to admit that even though she didn't know where things stood with them that she was glad he was here.

"It's up to you whether you even want to see him or not." Manny piped up from across the room.

"Yeah, GP, you don't have to do this. He's already admitted to killing her. Her family already knows she's gone. Who's to say he isn't just fucking with you. Why play into that sick psycho's fucking game?" Jay found himself more angry than he had been in months about all of this.

Fuck Rick! Why should Emma put herself through that? Terri was gone. Finding her body wouldn't offer her family comfort! It wouldn't bring her back!

Emma pulled back from Sean once again, her tears evaporated. She looked at her friends with anger and determination etched on her face.

"No, I want to do it. I want to bring Terri home."

Sean's heart stopped for a minute. The thought of Emma being in the same room as Rick again made him sick. He felt more nauseous than he had when he found out about Emma and Spinner. He'd come here to be supportive of her and to be strong for her when she couldn't be. But how the hell was he supposed to do this? Emma was his only weakness.

"Em, it wouldn't be Terri you know that. What good is a body going to do her family? It won't bring her back." Jay told he softly.

Emma nodded.

"I know. But I still want to do it."

The four of them all took a calming breath and nodded, making the decision together.

"Ok, then it's settled. Tomorrow we'll take you to the police department and have you meet the detective in charge of the case. We'll work out the details from there."

Emma let that sink in for a minute, giving Sean a look of utter fear.

"Don't worry Em, I won't leave your side. I'm back for good. I promise."

Emma heard his words but in her heart she didn't know if she believed them. Sean always took off when things got rough in the past and as much as he had always been her hero, sometimes he couldn't handle it when she fell apart.

"We're all here. For as long as you need us." Manny cut in.

Jay nodded his support and Emma felt a little better knowing she had the three of them to get her through this.

"Maybe you should go to bed Em. It's getting really late and we can work out the details tomorrow." Manny was back in mom mode again.

Emma sighed.

"But what about Toby and Spinner? I know Toby's home from school for break and Spin's just across town. We need to tell them. This affected them too you know."

Jay sighed.

"It affected all of us. They can know tomorrow. It's been a long day."

Emma gave in to her friends. They were right. Let Spin and Toby sleep in peace tonight before their worlds came crashing down when they broke the news tomorrow.

"Yeah, I am pretty tired." Emma admitted.

"Go on to bed. We'll stay here to wait for Snake and Spike and explain everything to them. We'll be here if you need us." Manny told her, taking off her coat and getting comfortable.

Emma's heart swelled in her chest full of love for her amazing friends. She couldn't believe she'd been so angry with them when they'd shown up at her doorstep.

Sean moved away from her on the couch giving her the space she needed to get up and head to her room. She could tell from the reluctant way that he let go of her that he didn't want to leave her. But he was giving her the decision on whether or not she wanted him to come with her to to give her space. She thought about it for a minute fighting with her head and her heart until her heart won out. She was too tired tonight to pretend she didn't need him...to pretend she didn't want him.

She got up and headed towards her basement bedroom as Jay and Manny flipped on the tv and got comfortable on the loveseat. Sean watched her go with pain in his eyes, almost as if it hurt him too much to let her be alone.

"Sean can I..talk to you..for a minute?" she asked awkwardly, almost afraid to look at him.

She was afraid she would say no even though in her heart she knew he wouldn't. He would never deny her, least of all about something like this.

Jay's eyebrows rose and Manny hid a grin to his chest. Thank god their plan was working! Emma wasn't going to push him away like they originally thought she would!

Sean rose from the couch and made his way to her without a word.

"Well that was easier than I thought." Jay joked as Sean shut the basement door behind them and Manny turned up the tv to give them a little more privacy.

"Told you it would work." Manny told him.

Jay chuckled.

"Guess I should have learned a long time ago that you were right Dimples."

-X-

AN: Ok soooooo...I really don't know how much of this could ACTUALLY happen or no as far as the whole coma/witness protection/keeping Rick's fate and Terri's kidnapping a secret thing. But oh well that's why it's fiction right? So for those of you that watch crime shows on the regular and are thinking oh this is bullshit that would never happen..well you're probs right...but don't overthink it sweeties this is just for fun!;)

REVIEWS!


	4. You Know Why

Sean didn't really know what to say or what to do. Once he'd followed Emma down to her room, she sat on the bed silently and had avoided eye contact. Sean stood by the stairs and leaned against the railing giving her the space to decide what she wanted from him. There were so many things he wanted to tell her but as usual he just couldn't find the words. Silent tears streamed down Emma's cheeks and the urge to pull her into his arms was almost overwhelming. But he stayed where he was, too afraid that if he pushed her she would break.

"Why?" Emma's whisper was so low Sean almost didn't hear her.

"Why what?" he asked gently.

Emma looked up at him, her eyes were angry.

"Why did you come back now? After all this time without hardly a word?" Emma wanted to know.

The old Sean would have deflected her words and made an attempt to kiss her so that she wouldn't ask him to talk about his feelings again. But Sean was different now. Changed. He didn't want to lose her again. He didn't think his heart could take another Emma Nelson break up. He knew that if he wanted her forever he had a lot to prove.

"You know why, Em."

He said it as if his feelings for her were the most simple thing in the world when they both knew how complicated this could get...how complicated it always got.

Emma shook her head.

"I don't."

Sean sighed and fought the urge to go to her. Instead he continued to keep his distance.

"What happened in that hallway, Em, changed us both forever. It was the same thing that ended up bringing us back together a year after it happened. I wasn't going to leave you to face this alone."

Emma tried to reign in her swirling emotions but it was useless.

"You've always left me alone to deal with things before."

Sean nodded.

"Yeah I have. But things are different now Emma. I'm different. I'm not leaving again. I'm home for good."

Emma shook her head refusing to believe him.

"Home? Wasaga is your home Sean."

She avoided his eyes and stared straight ahead. Sean couldn't take it anymore, he closed the gap between them and sat on the bed beside her. He still didn't touch her even though he ached to.

"Home is wherever you are, Em." Sean said honestly.

Emma's breath caught in her throat and she forced herself to look into Sean's eyes.

Sean had tried to keep his distance but with the way she was currently looking at him he couldn't help it, his hands cupped her face and he pulled her into a deep kiss.

It had been the first time they'd kissed since Emma had been in her senior year of high school. Almost three years now...or was it four? It had been so damn long.

Sean parted her lips with his tongue and licked his way into her mouth. He could tell by the small whimper she made that she was enjoying this just as much as he was. Her body still responded to him the way it always had and it didn't take long for Emma to ache for him the way she had been for years now.

Sean pulled back first but continued to hold her closely as he rested his forehead on hers.

"God I missed you." he murmured quietly, his eyes still closed.

He was still breathing in her vanilla scent, amazed that it hypnotized him just as much as it always had even after all this time.

"I missed you too." Emma said honestly.

She didn't want to admit to him just how much she'd been missing him lately though. She was embarrassed just how low she'd let her life sink. She was embarrassed that she'd spent all of her time lately pining away over Sean even though he'd clearly moved on with his life without her.

Sean's original plan was to give her space but he couldn't help himself...he leaned down and captured her lips with his. Emma gasped slightly in surprise, but it didn't take her long to kiss him back on reflex. It was like every time they'd been apart before...they knew they should keep their distance from each other...knew it never ended well...knew their hearts couldn't take one more gut wrenching break up….but just like every time they'd reconnected before, it was useless to fight it. It was like every time they were in the same room together there was a magnetic force field just pushing them together and they were powerless to stop it.

Emma knew she should pull back, that she should be damn angry with Sean but her brain was turned to mush and her body was only listening to what her heart wanted...and her heart had always wanted Sean. Emma wrapped her arms around Sean's neck and Sean pulled her even closer against him. They were kissing feverishly as if they needed it to survive and it didn't take long for their breathing to become labored. The loud bang of the front door opening and closing snapped them both out of it and they pulled away at the same time.

Sean shot across the room back to the edge of the basement steps where he started and Emma stood up as well just standing by her bed. They stared at each other while they tried to catch their breath.

"Sounds like your parents are home." Sean said, really just to fill the silence.

Emma nodded and gave him an awkward smile.

"I'm sure they can't wait to see you. Snake talks about you all the time." Emma said honestly.

Sean brightened.

"Really?"

Emma smiled and nodded her head.

"Yeah, whenever we get a postcard from you it makes his entire week."

Sean smiled back.

"Mine too." she admitted, looking back into his eyes.

"I guess I should go say hi then." he said.

Emma didn't really want him to go, but she didn't know how to ask him to stay either.

"Yeah, you should." she faked a smile.

Sean saw right through it, but he didn't want to push her. He turned to go up the stairs and then stopped half way up. He came home to really be there for her this time, not to run away scared like he had in the past.

"Forget something?" Emma asked when he came back down.

Sean nodded.

"Would you mind if...would it be ok if I said hi to them tomorrow? I'd rather stay here with you…" he said honestly.

Emma was a little taken back by that. She wasn't used to Sean being so openly emotional towards her. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time.

Emma smiled, genuinely this time.

"Yeah, there's room for two." Emma sat down on the bed and patted the spot beside her.

Sean smiled and sat down next to her, taking off his shoes and getting comfortable. Emma did the same and they laid side by side for the first time in years. They stayed in a comfortable silence for a while before Sean finally couldn't take it anymore.

"I can't believe you and Manny shared this bed for years, there's barely enough room for her hair in here let alone both of you." he joked.

Emma's giggle was like music to his ears.

"Ha, ha very funny. If your biceps weren't so huge, there would be more room army boy." Emma hit his arm lightly.

Wow, his biceps really were huge! I mean she knew he'd been working out for years and he'd always been muscular but damn this was just ridiculous!

"You love it!" Sean joked.

Emma rolled her eyes.

"I knew joining the army would only inflate your ego even worse."

Sean chuckled.

He turned his body towards her suddenly and Emma found herself once again looking directly in his eyes.

"How's your life, Em?" he asked softly.

Emma was tempted to do what she'd been doing for months and lie to him just like she had everyone else but tonight she was just too damn tired.

"It sucks. How's yours?"

Sean sighed.

"So does mine."

Emma nodded and gave herself a minute to let that sink in.

"Was it worth it?" she asked.

"To go into the military?"

Emma nodded.

Sean looked back into her eyes.

"Yes. I would have done anything to make sure I could give you the future you deserved Em. So it was worth it. Because now I know that I can still do that."

Emma look at him in disbelief.

Sean laughed.

"Like you didn't know that was always the plan."

Emma shook her head.

"You always planned on coming back for me?"

Now it was Sean's turn to look at HER in disbelief.

"Of course I did, Em! You were the one that broke up with me...in a dear john letter…"

Emma broke eye contact and sighed.

"Yeah, that sucked."

"Yeah, it did. But I understood it. You had to find your own way too just like I did."

Emma snorted.

"I sure did a lousy job of it."

Sean took her hand and held it with both of his.

"We all need a little help sometimes, Em. You taught me that years ago. You've spent a majority of your life helping everyone else...especially me. Maybe it's time you let me help you for a change."

Emma squeezed his hand tightly.

"Maybe it is." she whispered.

Sean pulled her to his chest and held her. They didn't speak the rest of the night. They just laid there listening to each other breathe until they fell asleep. It had been a long time since either one of them had slept soundlessly through out the entire night.

-X-

"Home sweet home." Jay joked finally pulling into his apartment building's parking lot.

He and Manny had spent an hour longer than they planned giving Spike and Snake the low down on what happened when they told Emma the news. Jay loved Emma's parents, but damn! It was past one in the morning and he was exhausted. He couldn't even imagine how tired Manny was after her long flight and emotionally draining evening at Emma's. He carried most of Manny's bags up to the second floor as she followed him almost zombie like.

"Just leave them here Jay we can get them in the morning." Manny gestured to the bags when they got into the apartment.

Jay didn't fight her and left them in the living room before locking the door and joining her in the bedroom. Manny had already pulled up her hair and threw off her clothes and was in the process of changing into one of his over sized old tee shirts when Jay walked in. Manny could be messy when she wanted to be, but Jay had never seen her just throw off her expensive designer clothes and kick them in a wrinkled pile on the floor before. There were even times when they were in the throes of passion and she stopped because Jay was wrinkling her dress. What was with her?

"Babe, you ok?" he asked.

Manny sighed and nodded her head yes even though she avoided eye contact. Jay was confused. Sure it was an emotional evening but usually Manny leaned on him to get through stuff. Tonight, it just seemed like she was shutting him out.

"You sure?" he grabbed her arm and turned her to look at him.

There were tears in Manny's eyes and she still tried to avoid eye contact.

"Jay, I'm fine. We can talk in the morning, ok? I'm just...so tired. Can we just go to sleep?" she pleaded, this time looking him in the eyes.

Jay still felt like something was off but he gave in and nodded pulling her into a big hug. Manny melted into it and sniffed away her tears. Jay undressed and climbed into bed next to her. They both knew they were going to have a long ass day tomorrow. Jay cuddled Manny to his chest and they fell asleep almost instantly.

-X-

"Why are you here Jane?"

Jane's smiled immediately vanished and Spinner felt an uneasy pit forming in his stomach.

"It's just that..we haven't talked since…" Jane broke off and looked down at her shoes.

Spinner sighed.

"I know." he said quietly.

"I know I don't have any right to come here, I guess I just thought…"

Tears started to form in the corners of Jane's eyes and she looked up and locked eyes with Spinner. His heart broke seeing her like this but he also knew he had to keep his defenses up. She used to be the love of his life and look what she did to him! They had plans, a future! And now she was living in another country going to college. There was no way it could work out between them even if Spinner wanted to forgive her.

"Jane.."

"I'm sorry. I guess I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." she sucked back her tears.

Spinner nodded.

"I know. You said that before."

"I know, I just...before I didn't really know what I had lost. But I do now. That may not mean much to you but I wanted to tell you again. Sorry."

Spinner broke eye contact. He couldn't take looking at her like this. Jane had always been the strong one but right now she looked like she could break any minute and Spinner didn't like knowing he was the cause of it.

"And I also wanted to tell you that I'll be home for a month. I just got home today. So if you do want to talk while I'm here...you know where to find me." Jane turned to leave before she lost her confidence.

She didn't come here to cry all over her ex and beg him to take her back. She only wanted to open up the door for a friendship or even closure if Spinner was willing to give either one to her. If not, at least she knew she tried.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry too...that things didn't work out." Spinner said.

Jane stopped and nodded her head, but didn't turn around.

"I hope to hear from you." she called to him as she walked away.

She was afraid if she didn't leave then that she would do something completely stupid like kiss him or cry all over him.

Spinner wanted to stop her, to hug her, to comfort her, to tell her all the things he'd been missing about her for months now...but he just didn't have the strength. He wasn't ready to forgive her yet and maybe he never would be. Maybe while she was here they could meet for coffee and both get some closure on the situation but not right now. Tonight he was just too tired.

-X-

AN: So I know I've been slow on updating my stories lately, sorry! Been busy busy busy! And also, I would love it if I could get some more reviews! They keep me motivated for sure! CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is always incouraged:)


	5. Time to Tell Them

The next morning, Emma had woken up in her bed alone. She could hear Sean and Snake laughing about something in the kitchen as she drug her tired ass up the basement steps. Emma froze in the kitchen doorway as she watched Sean, her mom, Snake, and Jack all sitting at the table eating breakfast. They were laughing and talking and it almost felt like Emma had fallen into a time warp that sucked her right back into high school when Sean was living with them. Most of their morning started just like this and Emma felt the ache in her heart she'd been feeling for Sean since she left start to throb. Sure, he was here now but for how long? She couldn't let herself get close to him again. It would only end in just another heartache and Emma didn't think she could survive it this time. Hurricane Sean was something that blew through her life often and he always left a freakin' trail of pieces of Emma's heart in his wake. Emma was barely holding on and surviving as it was! He was her friend and he was here to help her get through this whole thing, that was all! She wouldn't let herself get caught up in him again! She could afford it.

"Emma you're up!" Snake's cheery voice filtered from the table.

Spike and Sean's heads snapped up to watch her enter the room. They both had smiles on, but Emma could see the worry in their eyes. She sat down at the table and took the fresh cup of coffee Sean offered her without a word. Snake just kept chatting away about nothing in particular, he was always the one to try and talk away an awkward conversation.

"So what's the plan for today?" Spike asked in between bites of eggs and toast.

Sean must have cooked because there was a plate of his famous mexican egg tortilla breakfast in front of her. God she missed his cooking. Who would have thought he could put together anything better than toast?

"I'm not really sure." Emma admitted and looked to Sean for answers.

Thankfully he took the lead.

"First we have to go meet with the detectives in charge of the case at the police station downtown. They're going to give us all the details and stuff. And then I guess where we go from there is up to Emma."

Emma nearly choked on her orange juice. God, she hated making decisions.

"We need to tell Toby..and Spin."

Sean's eyes darkened a bit at the mention of Spinner's name. It was only for a brief second but Emma noticed it. She avoided his eyes and picked at her breakfast.

Sean cleared his throat.

"Manny and Jay offered to take care of that for us." he told her.

Emma's fork froze midway to her mouth and she set it back down on her plate.

"No. I want to be the one to tell them, Sean."

He looked over at her like he was going to argue and then thought better of it and shut his mouth.

"Ok, then after the police station we'll go talk to Toby and Spinner." Emma could tell Sean tried not to say Spin's name with the disgust she was sure he felt at last night's news.

She was sure it wasn't easy for him to hear that she and Spinner had gotten married...or that they'd slept together. Emma felt like the biggest slut...she'd slept with both of Sean's friends now! And he'd never even touched one of hers. She'd been feeling especially guilty about the Spinner situation for months now. But she had to admit, Sean was handling all of this really well. He hadn't lost his temper once! Emma suspected that if he ever found out, she and Jay would have to hold Sean back with the jaws of life to keep him from going crazy on Spinner. But he'd kept his opinions to himself and hadn't once made her feel bad about it. This wasn't a side of Sean she was used to. She didn't know if she liked it or if she secretly hoped he would be a little more jealous.

-X-

Emma's legs shook nervously and she and Sean waited in Sergeant Randall's office. He'd gone to get them all coffee. She could tell Sean would rather be anywhere else from how stiff his body language was and she agreed with him. She couldn't believe all of this was happening! It was still so unreal to her!

"Sorry about that. Had to make a fresh pot. God love Mrs. Wyndham, but she can't make coffee for shit." Randall said as he placed two styrofoam cups in front of Sean and Emma.

Emma coughed awkwardly and Sean forced a chuckle.

"Thanks." Sean said for the both of them.

"No problem. I appreciate you guys coming in. Ms. Nelson are you sure you're willing to do this?" Randall asked for the third time.

Emma sighed.

"I am." She said...again!

"That depends on what she has to agree to do." Sean spoke up from beside her.

Emma opened her mouth to argue with him, but his angry glare shut her right up. She knew he was only trying to protect her so she let him take the lead on this.

"Of course, of course." Randall agreed as he opened a file on his desk and started flipping through it.

It was thick and said Rick Murray scrawled along the side. Sean craned his neck to try and see it while Emma was doing everything in her power to avoid looking at the damn thing!

"These are the demands Rick is requesting." Randall handed them each a photocopied list.

Sean snatched his quickly, where Emma took her time in getting to it. She was almost afraid it would burn her the minute she touched it. By the time Emma looked at it, it was obvious Sean had already read it twice.

"So he'll only agree to tell us where Terri's buried if I agree to all of this?" Emma asked through clenched teeth.

Randall nodded.

"And who's to say he will even tell us then? Is he even telling the truth?" Sean wanted to know.

Randall sighed.

"There's no way to tell that Mr. Cameron."

"So Emma could put herself through all of this and end up with nothing? No answers? Nothing!" Sean spat.

Randall nodded.

"That's why it's such a big risk to take. And it would be up to her completely whether or not she wants to agree."

Both men turn towards Emma and looked expectantly at her. Randall obviously wanted her to agree and Sean obviously wanted her to say no. She read over the list one more time.

Emma has to come see me once a week, every week, for two months.

Her visits must last at least one hour each time.

Our visits must be unsupervised and unrecorded.

She must come alone.

Emma took a deep breath. She could handle this, she could!

"I want to do it."

-X-

They'd been driving in silence since they left the police station and Sean thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest! The thought of Emma alone in a room with that fucking psycho scared him to death! It made him want to drive up to Smithgrove and beat the shit out of Rick until he stopped breathing. How could he have let Emma agree to all of this?

Sean forced himself to take a few calming breaths to try and keep his temper in check. This was Emma's decision and he'd come here to support her no matter what. This had to be way harder on her than it was on him. Rick had obviously been obsessed with her for a long time and that wasn't stopping any time soon. Emma was the one that had to endure this and he needed to be there for her. They were on their way to Toby's house and he knew this would be hard for her too but she was determined to be the one to tell him about it. He could sense her anxiety rising the closer they got to Toby's house and Sean itched to touch her. Just a brush of his hand on her knee to let her know she wasn't alone. But he was afraid that even that would be enough to push her over the edge so he kept his hands to himself.

Sean could feel Emma's anxiety radiating off of her as he parked the car and they both got out. As they walked towards the front door of Toby's parents house, Emma's hand found it's way to Sean's. She grabbed it and laced her fingers with his. Sean was expecting it, and it definitely surprised him but he didn't take it for granted. He squeezed her hand back tightly and didn't let her go as he rang the bell.

Ashley Kerwin answered the door and surprise registered on her face as she saw Emma and Sean standing there.

"Ashley hi. Is Toby around?" Emma asked from beside him.

Oh yeah, duh, Toby and Ashley's parents were married. Sean hadn't seen her god knows how long. It had been even longer than that since he'd spoken to her. He remembered the time Ashley had been high on ecstasy in middle school and Sena had been heartbroken over Emma and the two of them had made out in her room. Awkward.

Ashley led the two of them into the living room and called for Toby before hauling ass into the kitchen. Looks like she still thought it was awkward too even though it had happened ages ago. Or maybe it was awkward because none of them had ever really been friends. Or maybe it was because he used to seriously date her best friend Ellie Nash back in school. Who knows? God he hates small towns!

His thoughts were interrupted as Toby stomped into the room. Damn that kid always did have big clown feet!

"Emma hey!" Toby said brightly and then his steps faltered a little bit when he saw Sean standing behind her.

"Sean..hey."

Sean had to give the kid credit, he didn't act like it was weird at all that Sean had been gone for three years now and was just randomly here with Emma at his door.

"Welcome home!" Emma pulled Toby into a hug and they all sat down on the couch.

"So what's...going on?" Toby asked immediately, his eyes darting back and forth between Emma and Sean.

Toby wasn't stupid, he knew something weird was going on.

Sean sighed awkwardly and Emma avoided eye contact.

"Toby, there's something we have to tell you…" Emma started.

"Are you two getting married or something? Emma I'm not thirteen anymore, it's been years since I've crushed on you! I can handle that news! You didn't have to come all the way over!"

Emma choked on her own spit and Sean laughed. Toby looked at them like they were crazy.

"If only it were that simple." Sean said.

"We aren't getting...that's not it!" Emma said exasperated she couldn't even say the word "married" and sean in the same sentence.

Sean chuckled at her again and she shot him a death glare.

"Guys!" Toby brought them back to attention.

"Sorry. No that's not it, Tobes. I'm afraid it's bad news."

Toby's expression instantly softened and he took Emma's hands in his.

"Not THAT bad, no one's dying or anything."

Sean scoffed.

"More like someone's come back from the dead."

Emma whirled and death glared him again before hitting him on the arm.

Sean gave her a dirty look but kept his mouth shut.

"What is going on?" Toby practically screamed at them.

"It's Rick." Emma whispered.

Toby looked at them confused.

"He's alive."

-X-

They were back in the car headed over to see Spinner now and Emma hadn't stopped shaking since they left Toby's. His reaction was something Emma would never forget in her life. At first, Toby didn't believe them and then once they showed him the evidence, he broke down into gut wrenching sobs. And Emma cried right along with him! Once they'd all calmed down a little bit, Toby agreed...well more or so demanded...to go along with Emma on her first meeting. Whether Rick would talk to him or not they didn't know but Toby needed to see for himself that Rick really was still alive. Emma and Sean made plans to pick him up the next morning for her scheduled visit and they left. She could feel the tension radiating off of Sean when they pulled into Spinner's apartment lot. She knew this couldn't be easy for him and she was worried the old Sean was start to shine through and he would snap. But for now she had to trust that he'd keep his word and just be here for her for support like he'd promised.

They silently made their way up to Spinner's loft apartment and Emma rang the bell. When Spin answered the door in his boxers and reeking of gin, Emma knew he probably had the hangover from hell right now.

"Em...Sean? What are you guys doing here?" Spinner asked obviously confused as hell.

"We need to talk." Emma said bluntly.

Spin moved aside and let them in and then instantly thought better of it once they sat on the couch.

"Wait..did you tell him? He isn't here to beat the shit out of me is he?" Spinner asked.

Emma rolled her eyes.

"You're lucky he already knows or I would have just beat the shit out of you. Sit your ass down. This is serious."

Spinner grumbled but did as he was told. Emma's no nonsense attitude scared him enough into submission.

"What's going on? Is someone dying?" Spinner was too hungover for this shit right now!

Sean rolled his eyes.

"No one is dying dude."

He breathed a sigh of relief but still kept one eye cocked in Sean's direction, just in case he decided to lunge or something. Spinner wouldn't have blamed him anyways. He deserved for Sean to punch him for what he did. He should have never even touched Emma, let alone married her for christsakes! Jesus, he had to quit drinking!

"Rick's alive." Emma didn't waste any time with bullshit.

Spinner thought he heard wrong at first but the expression on his friends faces said it all.

"How is that even possible?" he whispered.

Emma told him the entire story and by the end of it, Spinner was stone faced and stiff.

"Does Jimmy know?" he whispered.

Emma nodded.

Spinner took all of that in.

"Thanks for telling me. But I have to get ready to go into work now."

Emma looked at him a little confused but reluctantly agreed to leave. Once Emma and Sean left his apartment, Spinner went straight to his fridge and pulled out a bottle of jack and just started chugging. His shift be damned! For the first time ever, he was calling in sick!

-X-

REVIEWS PLEASE!


	6. Yep, It's Still There

Manny was in the kitchen making herself yet another calming cup of chamomile tea when Jay finally came in from tuning up the civic.

"I'm going to grab a quick shower before we meet Greenpeace and Cam at The Dot for lunch," he said before breezing past her and heading to the bathroom.

Although Manny could feel the tension between them since she was keeping secrets and Jay knew it, it was almost like old times again now that Sean was home. Jay coming inside covered in grease from working on his beloved car all morning….meeting Emma and Sean at their usual hang out for lunch.. Manny wasting away her morning by worrying about Emma and whether her and Sean would give it another shot. It almost felt normal...ALMOST.

Except that now Manny was pregnant and keeping it from her fiance, Emma was on the verge of a very emotional breakdown that even Sean Cameron might not be able to save her from, and Sean was keeping secrets of his own...secrets he'd begged Manny to not even tell Jay about. They had a nice long chat on the plane ride home yesterday and considering the news he'd shared, Manny was now worried as hell about him.

She sighed angrily at her inability to save her friends from their own grief and heartache and washed her teacup out. The damn tea wasn't doing a thing to calm her nerves anyways. How was she supposed to do all of this and still have time to tell Jay about the baby? She'd barely even had the chance to register that she was pregnant to begin with….and now all this other shit...ugh!

"You're staring so hard at that teacup in front of you that I'm beginning to think you're trying to break it with your mind," Jay joked sneaking up behind her.

Manny cracked a smile his way.

"Ready to go boo?" he asked, avoiding the sad look in her eyes.

Jay was dying to know what was going on, but he also knew that Manny would tell him when she was ready and if he pushed the issue it would likely result in some catastrophic fight that wouldn't end well for either of them. So for now he was leaving it alone.

"Yes! I'm dying to know what happened when they told Toby!" Manny said as she grabbed her coat and hat.

I

"Pfft. That's Nothing! I want to know what happened when Sean and Spin came face to face. I bet you a fiver Sean punched him right in the nose!"

Manny rolled her eyes at him as she wrapped her infinity scarf around her neck.

"I'll take that bet actually."

Jay raised his eyebrows at her.

"What? I really think Sean had changed." she told him at his questioning glare.

"Pfft yeah right Manny. Sean's been dealing with shit with his fists instead of his words for as long as I've known him! A cheetah doesn't change his spots overnight." he told her as they walked to the car.

"They do when they've been through enough violence to never want to deal with it again," Manny said quietly to herself, remembering all the things Sean had told her the day before and feeling her heart wrench for him.

"What'd ya say?" Jay asked when they got in the car.

"Nothing just that you're probably right," she lied.

Keeping so many secrets from Jay made her feel sick to her stomach, but now just wasn't the time. She would tell him tonight! Even as the thought crossed her mind, Manny knew that she wasn't only lying to Jay...now she was lying to herself.

-X-

Sean stood in front of the bathroom mirror and gave himself a long hard look. His normally tanned skin was freakishly pale, the dark circles under his eyes were so prominent that his normally shining baby blues looked lifeless and sunken into his face, premature wrinkles crinkled out next to his eyes where the worry he felt for Emma was obvious and radiating out at him. Jesus he was a damn wreck! Since when did he ever look this miserable and lifeless, especially when he was around Emma? Sean didn't know how she did it, but Emma Nelson had always brought out the life in him. When he was around her, he actually smiled and laughed and you could see the love for her pouring out of his eyes. But ever since he'd gotten out of the military over a month ago, things had gotten pretty dark and he had yet to find any light. Sean had thought that maybe once he was around Emma and her family again...once he felt that he had a purpose again that maybe he'd be able to heal and move on. But so far the nightmares hadn't stopped and even when he was back in Emma's bed and holding her in his arms, he still hadn't been able to get more than a few hours of restless sleep. He didn't want to disturb her with his usual tossing and turning so he'd given up and had just laid there inhaling the scent of her honey vanilla shampoo and listening to her peaceful breathing. No matter how many times she'd rescued him and unfrozen his cold and broken heart in the past, maybe this time even Emma Nelson wouldn't be able to save him.

Sean splashed some cold water on his face and went back into the dining room to have lunch with his friends. He and Emma had decided to meet Jay and Manny at The Dot to fill them in after they left Spinner's apartment...an apartment Emma had seemed awfully comfortable in Sean might add. He was trying his damn hardest to not get caught up in this whole Emma and Spinner Niagara Falls fiasco but he had to admit that Emma always had brought out his jealous side worse than any other girl he had ever dated.

He was trying so hard to show her that he had changed in the past few years, but he had wanted nothing more than to slam his fist into Spinner's face repeatedly until the image of him making love to Emma finally left his brain. Sean figured it was probably burned into his memory for life no matter what anyways. Figures.

He sat back next to Emma in their booth just as she was studying the menu with her usual obsessiveness. They'd been coming to The Dot for so many years that Sean didn't even have to glance at the menu anymore. But Emma, he remembered, had usually spent a good ten or fifteen minutes looking over any menu before she officially decided what to order. Sean figured it was residual anxiety left over from her eating disorder days and that was just apart of who she was now so he'd never questioned it. But even after all this time, it was still comical to see that Emma's slight OCD tendencies still hadn't changed.

"They still not here yet?" Sean asked as he added even more sugar and cream to his coffee.

Emma giggled seeing that Sean still had the biggest sweet tooth out of anyone she had ever met including Manny who used to say that chocolate tasted like happy.

"Not yet, which isn't really all that surprising considering that Jay and Manny are always late individually but as a couple you can pretty much count on having to wait around an extra half hour or so," Emma told him, taking a sip of her favorite green tea.

It was a special blend she'd made Spinner order every week just for her. And every week, she usually finished it all off on her own. She always had been an avid tea drinker.

Sean chuckled.

"They're obviously made for each other. I don't know how we never picked up on it before."

Emma nodded.

"I know, right? All that time we spent together when you came back to Degrassi, it's a shame they didn't realize they were in love then. It would have made things a lot funner….you know...your best friend with my best friend.." Emma droned on.

Sean just chuckled at her and let her keep rambling as he sipped his coffee. If nervous babbling was a sport, Emma Nelson would gold medal in it.

"What are you laughing at?" Emma sneered at him mid-sentence.

"Oh nothing...just you.." he laughed again.

Emma rolled her eyes and swatted at his arm.

"Hey give me a break here! It's been three years since we've seen each other, let alone spent this much time together. I'm kind of at a loss on what to say," she admitted.

Sean sighed.

"Yeah me too. Why does it seem so hard for us to have a conversation now? It's something that's been so easy for us in the past."

Emma shrugged her shoulders. There was so much Sean wanted to say to her, but just didn't know how. He'd never been good at talking about his feelings.

"I know, I know we're so late! Sorry!" Manny gushed, suddenly showing up out of nowhere with Jay right on her heels.

"I got a little carried away working on the civic," Jay told Sean as he took a seat across the table from him.

Sean rolled his eyes. Hah, some things really never did change!

"More like he wasted a half hour on his damn hair just to cover it up with that same old stupid hat!" Manny joked, swatting Jay's shoulder.

"Hey now…"

As Jay and Manny started bickering back and forth per usual, Sean took a brief moment to steal a glance at Emma. Her hazel eyes glowed with amusement as she watched Manny and Jay and Sean's heart momentarily caught in his throat. He was mesmerized by her beauty and he let himself stare at her graceful neck as she pushed her long blonde locks behind her ear and fiddled with her dangly earrings. He was for some reason enchanted with watching her graceful long fingers playing with the blue beads that sparkled in the sunlight. It was official, he was still in love with her. No one but Emma Nelson could captivate him this way by doing something so normal. But all Sean could think about was how he used to sweep Emma's long curly hair off her neck and suck on it in between giving her collarbone butterfly kisses and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. It used to really drive her crazy which in turn drove Sean crazy. He felt his pants get tighter at the thought and let himself remember how good she was at unzipping his pants and using those graceful fingers to stroke him to the point of madness. No one had ever made him lose control the way Emma had. Sean didn't like to brag but he'd been with his fair share of women. Most of them gorgeous and experienced...but none of them had ever turned him on the way Emma had. Most days, all she had to do was just give him a look or a smile and he'd be hard for hours. God he wanted her. He'd been especially careful not to cross the line with her or get too close to her after their heated kiss the night before, but it was killing him. He missed her so much and he had to admit that just being near her again was driving him crazy with want. He was aching to just reach out and touch her. But he was trying to hard to show her he had changed and that he was staying for good. If he had any hope at getting her back, she had to know that he was here to give her his friendship and support, not jump on her like some sex starved perv and ruin their chances of a real relationship before things even started.

Sean forced himself to think of other things so that he could get his raging hard on under control when Emma looked over and caught his eye. She gave him a grin with a naughty glint in her eyes that told Sean she knew exactly what he was thinking and he'd been caught. Well shit.

-X-

Emma found herself just glaring at Sean with amusement trying to stifle her giggles. She knew that look. His cheeks were tinged in pink and his eyes were glazed over, his muscles clenched. He was so obviously staring at her and reminiscing about old times. She was just about to make some kind of joke that only Sean would understand when Eli came over to take their order. He was one of their new servers that was working as extra holiday help while he was back in town on break from college. Emma had only worked with him a few times but she liked him.

"Hey Emma, why are you coming in on your day off? Don't you get enough of this place when you're working?" he joked.

Emma giggled.

"Well my friends are in town and they all got to pick the place to eat for lunch," she told him.

"Well we are the only place around that serves Spinwiches," he winked at them.

"Speaking of Spin, where is he? I thought he was in at noon?" Emma asked.

Eli shrugged his shoulders.

"Called in sick I guess. So what can I get you guys?" Eli changed the subject and started taking Manny's order.

Spin had called in sick? Emma was pretty sure that had never happened in the history of his entire career at The Dot. She felt that familiar ball of worry form in the pit of her gut. Something wasn't right. Of course she couldn't blame him for wanting to stay home for the day after the news they'd given him a few hours ago, but Emma just knew there was something more to it than that She could just feel it.

"Emma!" she heard Manny screech her name and it brought her out of her temporary fog'

"Huh?"

"Um we're waiting on you to order GP" Jay informed her.

Emma snapped out of it and noticed everyone looking at her funny. Oops! She placed her order and Eli scurried off quickly seeing the lunch crowd starting to pick up.

"You ok?" Sean murmured quietly to her once Manny and Jay's attention was on something else.

Emma nodded and gave him a small smile. Sean smiled back but put his hand on her knee to let her know that he didn't believe her lies for a minute but was still there for her. Even after all this time, Sean Cameron's touch still kept her calm and grounded. She had to admit, she was glad he was here.

-X-

Jane was just picking up her to go latte that she just had to have because she needed the caffeine jolt, not because she was here to get a glimpse of Spin or anything, when she heard one of the waiters mention to someone that he had called in sick. Sick? Spinner? In all the time that they had dated, Jane had never seen Spinner have anything worse than a cold. And he never called off work...ever. Was something wrong? Did someone die? Jane paid for her coffee and left, trying to force herself to think of something else. But as per usual, Spinner Mason controlled her damn brain and all she could think about was making sure he was last night, she really didn't wanna push him but she knew that if she didn't make sure he was ok that the constant worry would eat away at her gut until it destroyed her. She finally gave in and decided to drive over to his apartment, just to be sure. If he got distant and pushed her away then so be it! She was going!

-X-

AN: Uh oh, is Spinner on the path to his season 5 self destruction? Will Manny EVER tell Jay that she's pregnant? And what secrets is Sean keeping? Will he be able to keep his hands off of Emma? Stay tuned! And please REVIEW! Constructive criticism is as always welcomed and encouraged! Feel free to drop me a quick review to at least let me know some of you are still reading:)


	7. Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda

Later that night after they'd eaten dinner with her parents and Jack, Emma had decided to go take a long hot shower while Sean helped Snake with the dishes. She stood in front of the mirror, her favorite fluffy blue towel wrapped around her naked body, and Emma did something she hadn't done since high school...she started scrutinizing every last detail of her face and body even down to the tiny freckles dotting her nose. Being around Sean again suddenly brought all of her former insecurities screaming back to the surface. But then again, Emma had been feeling insecure and unattractive for months now….somehow getting shitfaced and married to fucking Spinner Mason did that to a girl. She figured Sean's opinion of her had lowered immensely since he found out that awesome news and he would probably never look at her the same again. It was like when they were back in high school and Sean found out about the whole ravine incident all over again. It made Emma feel like complete and total trash. He would probably never want to be with her again...even though he'd confessed to her the night before that he had always planned to come home to her. Emma's heart ached when she thought about how stupid she had been to break up with him back then when he had gone away to basic training. And for that complete and total fucking asshole Damien! Emma wanted to punch herself in the face! If only she had known then what she knew now...if only she had known how broken and empty her life would turn out without Sean in it.

She started up the shower to get the water heated up and removed the towel to check out her stomach. Rationally Emma knew that obsessing about whether she looked bloated or not from eating too much of Snakes famous veggie lasagna at dinner was just her anorexia acting up again, but it still wasn't easy trying to convince herself that Sean didn't find her gross and unattractive be cause of it. it was SEAN for christ sakes! He was the only boy in the world that could make her feel like a playboy model from just one glance...could set her body on fire from just one gentle stroke of his thumb across her cheek. Sean had never ever judged or ridiculed her for what she had been through with her eating disorder while he'd been in Wasaga. He always told her she was the most beautiful girl in the world to him, inside and out. Emma finally stopped poking at the non-existent fat around her thighs and forced herself to really look at her expression in the mirror, she finally saw it...the intense sadness and emotional numbing she had seen in her eyes day in and day out after the shooting happened. She'd once told Sean that she felt like she had lost her soul in that hallway and hadn't fully gotten it back until the day Sean returned home from Wasaga. That was what Rick Murray had done to her...what he was doing to her again….he sucked the fucking life right out of her! And she always freaking let him! But not this time! Emma would be damned if she let him do it again. This time, she had Sean to help her through it and in the past Sean Cameron had always brought her back to life when she actually let him. Maybe it was time to stop pushing him away and actually let him be there for her without her making it hard on him?

-X-

After Sean helped Snake clean up the kitchen, he made an excuse about being tired and wanting to get changed for bed and made his way to his duffle bags in Emma's room. As much as he wanted to sleep in here with her again tonight, he didn't want to make her feel like he was suffocating her so he'd asked Snake to set up the couch for him and he would move up there when she went to bed. Snake had make some joke under his breath about things feelings just like his kids were back in high school as Sean opened the the basement door and stomped his way down to Emma's room like he had so many times in the past. Only now, Emma's parents weren't naive enough to believe their daughter was still a virgin and they weren't strict about Sean not being down there too long. Emma's parents knew they had been sexually active back in high school when they were together after a super awkward run-in at the drugstore when they'd gone to buy condoms and Emma's birth control. Snake, like any father would, flipped out and naturally Emma the feminist had turned it into her latest crusade about women being judged for their sexuality while men were always praised for it. Sean chuckled to himself as he remembered helping her with a school project about it, even going as far as letting her seduce him into taking pictures of him with his shirt off and her kissing him. It was something he never would have let her do normally except that they had just started having sex back then and he was still completely in lust with her. All she had to do was coax him into it with a blowjob beforehand and promise of sex afterhand. Sean had been like putty in her hands after that. And Emma? His Emma was no good girl in the sheets you know. In fact, she liked it rather naughty...dirty talk, hard and fast, her nails always scraping into the flesh on his back. Sean was aimlessly sifting through his duffel not even knowing what he was looking for when he heard the shower go on in her bathroom. Jesus help him! If he hadn't been hard from his thoughts a minute before, he sure as shit was now thinking about her all wet and naked soaping herself up in the shower.

For christ sakes, he was turning back into some horny teenager again! But he knew all too well that Emma Nelson had always had that effect on him. It was only night two, how the hell was he supposed to keep going on like this without touching her? Just that little kiss they had shared the night before was enough to make him almost embarrass himself and lose it. Sean found the sweatpants and wife beater he was looking for in his bag and started changing.

What Sean hadn't realized was that the shower had gone off and Emma would soon be coming back in the room. He heard the door screeched open and Emma gasp and by then it was too late...he had just been changing from his jeans to his sweats and was standing in only his boxers...his raging hard on impossible to hide with that little clothing on. He felt a blush heat his cheeks as he and Emma both stood there just staring at one another...her only in her towel. Emma's gaze shifted from his face down to his obvious boner and back up to his face again and he saw the blush creep up her cheeks. He also noticed the way she swallowed hard and her eyes glisten with want. He had a choice to make...he could apologize profusely and pull on his pants quickly and run up the stairs to leave her alone to get dressed...or he could make a move. From the way Emma was just standing there staring at him, it was pretty obvious she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

Before Sean had a chance to decide what to do, Emma made the decision for him. She silently dropped the towel that was covering her naked body and let it pool in a pile at her feet. Emma was standing before him naked and still wet from the shower.

-X-

Emma didn't know what made her decide to drop the towel. She had never made such a bold move in her life, but from the way Sean was hungrily gazing at her naked body she figured she had made the right choice. It only took a short minute for Sean to throw down the sweats he was desperately clutching in his hand and close the gap between them. Before Emma knew what was happening, Sean cupped her face and pulled her into a passionate kiss. She felt herself melt into it and kissed him back, matching his intensity with everything she was feeling. His tongue thrusted forcefully into her mouth and Emma moaned, sucking on it lightly before teasing her tongue with his. Sean pulled her into his arms and her hands instinctively locked around his neck pulling his body even closer to hers. She felt how badly he wanted her when he pulled her hips into his and ground his hardness against her. Even though Emma had felt it plenty of times in the past, she still found herself gasping at his size. She ran her hands up and down his bare chest as he cupped her ass and kept grinding into her.

"You're gonna be the death of me one of these days," he moaned against her lips.

Emma smirked and pulled him even closer to her. Sean just kept kissing the hell out of her as he back her up against her bed and she let herself fall onto the mattress, pulling him down on top of her. His hands came up from her hips to her breasts and Emma moaned loudly when his knuckles brushed against her already hard nipples. Sean leaned his head down and sucked one into his mouth, lightly grazing his teeth over the tip.

"Sean!" she heard herself moan for the first time in years.

Sean thought he was going to fucking lose it right then and there. His Emma was back in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist as she ground her heat into him. The only thing between them was his boxers and Sean was in heaven.

His conscious soon came rearing his ugly head and he found himself pulling back for a minute and stared into her eyes. Emma was confused.

"What? Don't stop" she pleaded.

Sean practically growled at her words.

"Em...are you...this?.." Sean stammered, not able to find the right words to convey what he was trying to say.

Emma looked at him with growing impatience as she waited for him to continue.

"Are. You. Sure?" he finally ground out.

Emma giggled at his expression.

"Yes, I'm sure. I mean, it's not exactly like I'm a virgin Sean...you know that."

"Well yeah, but I mean...are you sure you want to be doing THIS during a time like...this?!" he asked getting even more flustered than before.

Emma looked at him confused again before the realization finally dawned on her.

"Oh, I get it. You think this is about Rick." she said coldly.

She wasn't even asking him if she was right she was just stating it like it was a fact she already knew.

Sean sighed realizing that this might end up turning into a fight. And he did NOT want to end his night that way...especially when only moments before his night was about to end pretty fucking amazing.

"No, not about Rick specifically. I'm only saying that right now is a really emotional time for all of us right now Em but especially you. I just don't want you to use sex with me as an escape from all of it." Sean admitted.

"Oh come on!" Emma screeched throwing her hands up in frustration.

Sean looked at her completely and totally confused and she rolled her eyes at him.

"What? I should feel ashamed because for once I want to handle my problems by running away for a few hours and getting lost in passion instead of having to think about tomorrow morning? That is bullshit and you know it, Sean! So what if I want to have sex? It's nothing we haven't done before. It's just sex. We happen to like having it with each other and we've been there several times so there will be no strange or awkward surprises. We're already comfortable with each other. Would it really be so bad?" Emma asked, her eyes half angry with him and half pleading with him at the same time.

Sean didn't immediately respond. Instead he just sat there silently and stared at her blankly. Emma almost snapped her fingers in front of his face when he finally spoke.

"As much as i'm going to regret it, I think I'm going to sleep upstairs tonight." he told her before untangling himself from her completely and getting off the bed.

Emma stared at him in shock as he started pulling on his sweats and wife beater and gathering his things back into his duffle.

"Are you...are you freaking kidding me?" Emma choked out, even angrier with him now than she was before.

She heard him sigh, but his back was to her so she couldn't read his facial expression.

"It's not that I don't want to stay, believe me it's causing me physical pain to walk away from you right now…"

"So don't!" Emma cut him off.

She heard him sigh again and noticed his shoulders tense up.

"Emma'" he said in a warning tone, "I have to."

Emma rolled her eyes.

"Oh that's crap! You don't have to do anything you don't want to do...oh my god...that's why you're going back upstairs! You don't really want to sleep with me do you? You probably have a girlfriend or something and here I am throwing myself at you while you're only trying to be a good friend to me. I'm such an idiot!"

Sean turned around so suddenly, the quick movement made her gasp in surprise.

"First off, I don't have a girlfriend. I only got out of the military a little under a month ago when I got Manny's call. That isn't enough time to find an apartment, let alone a girlfriend. Secondly, if i DID have a girlfriend I would have told you right away and I never would have let things get this far in the first place. And third...Jesus, Em do you really not think that I don't want to fuck you riught now?" he practically growled at her.

He saw Emma avoid eye contact and shift her body slightly. Holy shit, she really did think he didn't want her. She had no idea how much Sean regretted what he was trying to do.

"Em, look at me." he whispered.

When she refused to meet his gaze like the stubborn ass that she was, Sean closed the gap between them and put his hand under her chin, lifting it up to force her to look at him. When she finally did, Sean let her see all of the heat in them. Emma gasped, feeling kind of like a piece of meat being stalked by his prey, but also she felt even hotter than she did before under his searing gaze. Sean reached down and grabbed the hand that was dangling by her side and laced his fingers through hers. Emma tried to hold her ground and not melt at his touch but the way he was stroking her fingers so tenderly made it really hard. Suddenly, Sean pulled her hand to his dick and let her feel how hard he was for her. Emma gasped in surprise and then stifled a moan when she felt him.

"Don't ever, ever underestimate how badly I want you Em...how badly I've always wanted you…" Sean whispered.

He stifled back a moan when Emma squeezed him through his sweats and stroked him up and down a little. Sean let her for a minute, but knew if he didn't end this now that he would go past the point of no return and that wasn't what he wanted right now. He pulled back from her reach, but rested his forehead on hers and tried to slow is breathing.

"Sean.."

Sean leaned down and kissed her to cut off whatever it was that she was going to say. It would surely be naughty and then his restraint would snap. He made it short and sweet before he pulled back completely.

"We'll leave here at 8. Goodnight, Em." he told her before kissing her forehead and practically running up the stairs.

Emma stood there in complete shock for a minute before the humiliation started to kick in. She sort of understood where he was coming from and that he was trying to be a good guy, but it still burned to know that he could resist her when Emma was sure she could never resist him if he had thrown himself at her the way she had just done to him. Her self confidence plummeted and Emma found herself getting angrier by the second. What the hell? He thought he could just play with her emotions like that and then just leave when things didn't go his way? Fucking asshole.

Emma started angrily opening and closing drawers and rifling through them before she finally found what she was looking for and got dressed. She huffed and puffed around the room and kicked at dirty laundry and riofled through a magazine before she finally gave into the angry frustration and let herself cry. She cried for what she had lost with Sean and for had badly she had missed him. She cried for that part of herself that she lost inthe hallway that day. She cried for the fact that she was thrust into a situation where she felt like her chocies and power were lost. She cried over knowing how much it would destory her to see Rick again. But mostof all, she cried for what could have been if she hadn't been so goddamn stubborn and angry when she ended things with Sean four years ago. What could have been? Anything had to be better than this.

-X-

AN: Reviews would be great! Coming up? Some Janny love, Spane drama, and Semma comes face to face with Rick!


	8. You Drive Me Crazy

The next morning, Emma stumbled up the basement steps like she was hungover. Sean knew she wasn't, but it still pained him to see her walk in the kitchen with puffy and swollen eyes and moving around like a zombie. As she plopped down at the table next to Snake, he silently handed her a cup of coffee to which she grumbled out a 'hrmphh" noise in a thank you before she took it. Sean sighed and took a seat across from her, wishing that Emma wouldn't let last night effect the slightly awkward but easy friendship they'd fallen into in the few days he'd been home. He was hoping that her stubbornness combined with his inability to keep his temper under check wouldn't get in the way of a possible reconciliation but it was only the start of day three and from the pissed off looks Emma was shooting him in between bites of toast, Sean guessed that he was already failing miserably. At least he hadn't lost his temper and screamed at her about Spinner even though his blood still boiled at the thought of it all.

"So what time do you guys have to be in Smithgrove. That's over by your parents place, right?" Snake broke the awkward silence by making his usual cheery small talk.

"We have to be there around one. They figured it would be best for Emma to meet with Rick after lunchtime so they could use the empty cafeteria for their...chat. And yeah it's the next town over." Sean told him in between bites of his cheerios..

Snake nodded and smiled with his usual enthusiasm even though everyone at the table could sense the Emma/Sean tension. Emma's hostility was obvious in her body language and eye contact but Sean was doing his best to ignore her.

"Why in the cafeteria?" Spike wondered aloud, cutting off Snake from whatever it was he was going to say next.

When Emma blatantly didn't respond, Sean took the lead and answered her parents questions for her.

"Because a part of Rick's demands was that his weekly meetings with Emma were done in private. Apparently his doctors believe he displays signs of high paranoia and he thinks the doctors might be listening in or something. I'm not really sure. They won't know more about his official diagnosis until they talk more with him. But I guess it's pretty hard to find a secluded place considering Smithgrove keeps a pretty close watch on their patients and it's against the rules to allow visitors in their rooms." he explained.

Spike nodded in understanding while Emma just looked pale and scared. Sean's heart broke for her. He had heard her storming around her room last night while he lay in silence on the living room sofa. At first, he'd been angry at her reaction to what had happened but when he heard her gut wrenching sobs he wanted nothing more than to go to her and offer her comfort. He knew he couldn't because it would only lead to other things and they were both emotionally wrung out for the night, so he stayed where he was and listened to her cry for hours. Even though he knew he did the right thing by walking away from her, he still felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

"So are you going to stop in and see your parents while you're up that way?" Snake asked, interrupting his thoughts.

Emma nearly choked on her coffee and Spike's eyes got wide at the question. Sean hardly ever talked about his parents...ever. And most of the time, no one dared bring up the subject with him. No one really knew what happened between Sean and his parents when he went back to Wasaga for that year and a half back when they were in high school. Every time someone asked him about it, he closed up and changed the subject.

Sean took a long sip of his coffee and avoided eye contact before he answered Snake.

"I actually saw them a few weeks ago. When I got out of the army, I went back there." Sean admitted.

Snake nodded his acknowledgement, but finally shut up. The tension around the table was palpable as Emma's obvious disgust at this new found knowledge became clearer by the second. Emma had told him yesterday that she didn't realize he had always planned on coming back for her when he got out of the military but Sean knew she would probably be hurt to discover that her house wasn't the first place he went to.

"Em, you better finish your breakfast, you've got a long day ahead of you." Spike tried to change the subject.

But Emma just wasn't having it today. She shot Sean daggers through her eyes and slammed her empty coffee cup down loudly on the table startling Jack.

"I'm sorry but I've suddenly lost my appetite," she snapped before angrily getting up and stomping her way down to her room.

Sean sighed and put his head in his hands. How ironic that Emma had once said those exact words to him in this exact kitchen when he brought up enlisting all those years ago. Leave it to Emma to twist the knife and recall that now.

"Well that was a little dramatic," Spike commented trying to break the ice.

"Oh give her a break, today is going to be hard for her," Snake said calmly from across the table.

He gave Sean a pat on the back and started clearing the dishes..

"Maybe you should go talk to her," Spike suggested once a few minutes had passed.

Sean sighed and shook his head.

"She's not interested in talking to me right now. She just wants someone to be angry at and I guess she chose me as her target today," Sean told her sadly.

Spike shrugged her shoulders.

"But you know Emma. She'll get over it eventually."

Sean nodded his head and gave her a sad smile before going to get ready in the upstairs bathroom. He was planning on avoiding Emma for the next two hours before they had to leave. He just couldn't handle the angry way she was glaring at him during breakfast. He hoped that Spike was right, that she'd get over it eventually. And hopefully eventually was sooner rather than later.

-X-

"Jay, we were supposed to be at Emma's ten minutes ago! You know how she hates it when we're late!" Jay heard his fiance screech behind him as they walked up to Spinner's apartment door.

Jay rolled his eyes.

"Oh please, you know Cam told us to be there an hour earlier than we are actually supposed to be there because he knows we're always late! It's fine! I just wanna check on Spin! We won't be here long," he told her before knocking loudly on Spinner's door.

Manny made one of those annoying girly noises in the back of her throat that meant she was pissed but letting it go for the moment. When he didn't get an answer, Jay knocked again even louder.

"Hey Spinster, it's Jay! Come on buddy, open up!" he yelled through the door.

"Maybe he's not home?" Manny suggested, even doubting it herself.

Jay rolled his eyes.

"It's Spinner, Manny when is he ever not home?"

Manny shrugged her shoulders.

"When he's at the dot?"

Jay nodded.

"And we know he called of sick from work again so he must be here right?"

Manny nodded.

"Plus his car is in the driveway, he has to be here."

Jay started knocking again.

They were both startled when the door finally swung open. Jay went to yell at Spin for taking so long to open the door and then choked on his words when he noticed that it wasn't his good buddy Spinner at the door. It was Jane.

-X-

"Hey guys," Toby said warily as he slid into the backseat of Sean's rental car.

"Hey Tobes," Emma said back brightly whereas Sean just grunted as a hello.

Toby rolled his eyes. He should have figured he would get sucked into the semma drama vortex the minute they agreed to pick him up. Typical.

"Where are Jay and Manny? I thought you said they were coming?" Toby asked as he pulled on his seatbelt and held on for dear life as Sean screeched out of his driveway. Sean always was a fast driver.

"They're running late, per usual. They're going to meet us in Smithgrove," Emma told him back, her cheeriness from just moments before already evaporated.

Toby could sense her fear and worry radiating off of her from the front seat. He really didn't blame her. He'd been feeling the same since finding out the news yesterday.

He still couldn't believe it! Rick Murray was alive! A small part of Toby was happy….happy that his friend hasn't died horribly like they said he did all those years ago. But the thing that Toby had to remember was that Rick was a complete psycho! He didn't have emotions. Toby was never his friend, it was all just an act. Right?

-X-

While Toby stayed quiet and lost in his thoughts in the back seat, Sean and Emma were busy staying angry at each other in the front. Emma couldn't believe she'd been stupid enough to ever really believe that Sean was telling the truth when he said he'd always planned to come home to her. Obviously he had never really meant it when he told her that her home was the place he would ever want to come back to. Instead he chose to go his parents? His parents that he never talked about? His parents that he'd always had a dysfunctional relationship with? What was it that made him choose to go there? Either way, Emma was in no mood to deal with her hurt feelings about Sean right now. She was already trying to get her swirling emotions about having to see Rick under control.

In the middle of her emotional panic, Emma found herself looking over at Sean while he drove. His jaw was set and clenched, his arm muscles were straining and rippling in the sunlight as he took a turn, his beautiful blue eyes were concentrated on the road. Emma loved watching Sean drive, she always had. There was just something so sexy and masculine about the way he handled cars. Toby was in the backseat droning on and on with useless chatter and Sean would every once in a while comment, but Emma stayed silent for most of the trip.

In the middle of one of Toby's stories about his eccentric college roomate, Sean looked over and caught Emma staring at him. He smirked to himself and flexed his arm muscles more knowing that his arms were one of Emma's weaknesses. He watched her watch him for a minute before she caught him staring. She blushed and he smiled and just like that, their fight from earlier was forgotten. At least for the time being. Emma let herself get lost in his comforting eyes for a minute before he broke eye contact and looked back towards the road. She smiled to herself and turned her head to look out the window and watch the scenery as they sped down the highway.

At some point, Sean's right hand reached over and found it''s way to her knee. Emma let it stay there for a while before she moved her hand down and entangled her fingers in his. Emma wouldn't turn her head to look at him though, she was too afraid her true feelings would show. Besides, tears were starting to run silently down her cheeks and she didn't want either of the boys to see her cry.

She let Sean hold her hand the rest of the way there.

-X-

"Look Spinner was drunk!" Jane yelled back at Jay for what felt like the third time.

But Jay still wasn't listening to her.

"Jane, it's Spinner he's always drunk lately! What else is new?" he yelled back as he streched out on Spin's couch.

Manny was giving him the "we don't have time for this' death glare but Jay didn't care! Spinner had spent the better part of the past six months drunk and wallowing over this girl and now she thinks she can just traipze back in without any apology or regret? No wayy in hell!

Jane rolled her eyes.

"I'm not talking normal drunk, Jay! He was passed out on the barstool and completely incoherent! He needed someone to drive him home before he got arrested or worse!"

"Oh and you just happened to be there ever so innocently?" Jay criticized.

"Ugh! What does that mattter? Whatever! I don't have time for this shit! He's been puking all night and been mostly out of it. Tell you what, now that you're here to make sre he doesn't choke on his own vomit, I'm out!" Jay screeched as she grabbed her coat off the back of a kitchen chair and stormed out of the apartment.

"Oh leaving so soon? What a SHAME!" he mocked behind her.

Manny was coming back inside after calling Sean to let him know they were going to meet them there instead just as Jane was rushing out.

"Whoa, remind me not to get in her way ever again!" Manny screeched as Jane barrelled past her and Manny had to act quick to get out of her way.

Jay rolled his eyes.

"Pfft, whatever! You could so take her dimples!" Jay cheered.

Manny giggled.

"That is so not the point! We're already running too late to meet over at Em's. Now we have to meet them in Smithgrove!" Manny pouted, swatting him on the arm as punishment.

"Oh and miss the awkward car ride from hell with Issacs and the we're so damn in love with each other and everyone vcan see it but us dysfunction twins? Bummer!" he joked.

Manny hit him on the arm again and as Jay went to tickle her, Spinner stumbled his ass into the room.

"Spinnnn!"

"Why the fuck are you being so loud? And why is it so fucking bright in here? Holyshit!" Spin complained as he sheilded hiseyes from the sun with his hand and closed the curtains.

Jay chuckled at him and Manny gave him her best mom death glare.

"Goddamn it Spinner we don't have time for this!" Spinner heard Manny yell at him as he lunged for the kitchen trash can to violently puke his guts up.

Jay sighed. This was gonna be a long fucking day!

-X-

AN: What do you guys think? Why did Sean return to his parents in Wasaga instead of coming to Emma's? What happened between Spinner and Jane? They all finally come face to face withRick! REVIEWS PLEASE:)


	9. Rick Murray

Jay scratched the back of his head and coughed awkwardly when Manny gave him her best evil mom death glare from the front seat. Spinner was in the back, puking out the window for the second time since they'd left his apartment over an hour ago. Manny was already ticked big time because Jay had insisted they stop by Spin's first. And now they were running late and missed the car ride from hell with Cam and Emma and that dork Toby which by the way Jay was actually pretty happy about. But when they had told Spin about the drive to Smithgrove today, he insisted on driving with them even though he was still hungover as hell and smelled like old french fries and gin.

"In case you hadn't noticed, Jay, I'm pretty pissed at you right now" Manny seethed from beside him.

Jay rolled his eyes. Yeah, no shit Sherlock. Thanks for pointing that one out!

"Oh really peaches? I hadn't guessed!" He joked before switching lanes a little too quickly.

Spinner groaned from the backseat.

"Ugh, don't do that! Do you want me to barf again?" He screeched at them.

"I didn't want you to barf the first thousand times! But you insisted on coming along! Why, I'm not sure. I mean do you want Cam to punch you in the face?"

Manny snorted from the front seat.

"If Sean wanted to kill Spinner, he would have done it already! If Sean's mad at anyone, he should be mad at us! We're the ones that are always dragging Emma into our shit!" Manny scoffed.

Jay ignored her and rolled his window down a bit to get some fresh air. As if he didn't feel guilty enough lately, he didn't need Manny to remind him about how hard they'd pushed for an Emma/Spin hookup in Niagara. I mean Jay just thought they would get drunk and have a good time already! Who could have guessed that boring Greenpeace and still hung up on Jane Spinner would have ever even done something so….out there?!

"Can we not talk about that right now? I said I was sorry! I feel bad enough now that Sean even found out! Thanks so much for that by the way guys!" Spinner slapped the back of Jay's head.

Jay swung back with one hand while trying to drive with the other.

"Don't make me kick your ass out on the highway Spin!" Jay roared at him.

Manny screeched as the car swerved a little too hard to the shoulder.

"Both of you shut the fuck up now! I can't handle this stress! Not today!" Manny screamed at both of them.

Spinner and Jay's bickering stopped and they both seethed silently in their seats for the rest of the ride. Manny ignored them both and stared out the window trying to hold in her tears. How the hell was she supposed to tell Jay about the baby in the middle of all of this nonsense? Why couldn't they get through one damn day without having a massive fight? Maybe all of this was a mistake. How were they supposed to raise a baby?

-X-

Emma finally released Sean's hand from the death grip she'd been holding it in ever since they'd pulled into the Sanitarium's parking lot. Sean tried to make eye contact with her, but she kept her face turned towards the ground as she grabbed her purse and got out of the car. Sean and Toby followed suit and walked towards the front door. Sergeant Randall was waiting on the top of the steps smoking a cigarette. He waved in greeting as he saw them approach.

"Emma, Sean, Toby nice to see you all." He said politely through an obviously forced smile.

Sean nodded and smiled back, Toby shook his hand and said hello. But Emma? She wasn't in the mood for pleasantries today.

"Smoking kills you know." She said icily as she stormed past all the men and walked in the front door.

Toby apologized for her as Randall stubbed out his cigarette, but Sean ignored them both and followed her inside. His usual "protect Emma" mode was in high alert now that they were trapped inside a building with Rick again. Besides, he understood where Emma's hostility was coming from. These detectives were asking a lot of her and she had a right to be pissed.

They were all sent through a metal detector and instructed to take all of their objects out of their pockets, such as sharp objects and cell phones. They all checked their belongings into a locker in the nurse's office and were immediately ushered into a room and given the low down on their expected behaviors while in the building. Toby was the only one who seemed to be listening intently. Emma was white as a ghost and staring off into space. Randall was drinking coffee and staring at the clock on the wall. Sean was picking at a loose hangnail on his thumb.

The tension in the air was palpable and it was obvious everyone was uncomfortable and on edge. Before they all knew it, they were being led to the cafeteria where Rick was apparently waiting.

"Remember Emma, try to get him to talk about his crimes as much as possible. Even though you won't be able to record anything or take notes, we need as much info on this sicko as we can get! We believe he could be responsible for other crimes in the neighborhood." Randall was saying.

Sean stopped dead in his tracks and grabbed Randall's arm.

"Other crimes? Since when? Why weren't we notified of this?" He practically growled at the man.

Even though Randall was much older and slightly bigger than Sean, he took a big step back.

"It's something we can discuss later, Mr. Cameron. We have no evidence of anything. We've just been digging up a lot about Rick and his family. They've moved an odd number of times for a family with no financial difficulties or job transfers. There have been a small number of disappearances in the neighborhoods they had moved from before Rick came to Degrassi."

Toby's face went green at the news and Emma's hand came up to her mouth as if she was trying to choke back vomit.

"So you think Rick could be a...serial killer?" Toby whispered.

Randall sighed and pushed his hair out of his face.

"Mr. Issacs, we have no evidence of that. Right now it's just a possible connection. That's why we need more information. As much as I hate sending Emma in there right now, she might be our only way to solve this. We need her." Randall admitted.

If looks could kill, Sean would have obliterated Randall by now. Emma could sense his obvious anger and mistrust in the situation, but she couldn't afford to worry about that right now. She had to concentrate on what she was just told. Even though Rick had already admitted to killing Terri, Emma was now responsible for giving other families closure also? The pressure was immense. The intense urge to purge her breakfast had never been so strong.

She felt Sean's warm, strong hand on her back as they continued the walk towards the cafeteria. It gave her the same comfort that his touch always did. But her legs felt like jello and her mind was screaming at her to turn back and run the opposite direction. Before she had a chance to do it, they were at the large swinging doors to the cafeteria. Emma took a deep breath and looked into Sean's reassuring face one last time before walking through the doors without a word.

Her footsteps echoed behind her in a creepy tone as she walked to what felt like her doom. Rick was sitting at a circular table in the middle of the large room. His glasses were different and his hair was cut shorter, but it was definitely the same Rick. He smiled as she approached.

"Hello Emma." he said in a sickly sweet tone.

It took all of the strength Emma had in her to sit down across from him.

"Rick." she grit out through her teeth.

Rick continued to smile pleasantly at her as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Ahh vanilla. You still smell the same." He whispered.

Emma tried to force back the vomit that she felt rise in her throat at his words. He knew her smell? Gross.

"Would you like some tea? I know how much you like green tea with a bit of honey and lemon so I took the liberty of asking my favorite nurse, Rhonda, to get us some for our special meeting. I already mixed you a cup, just the way you like it." Rick said as he gestured towards a small styrofoam cup sitting in front of her.

He knew how she liked her tea? When did she ever even tell him that?

Emma just stared down at it, not saying a word.

"I apologize for not having it in an actual mug, but they won't let us patients even use real silverware unfortunately." He continued babbling on as if Emma gave a shit about it.

"You look really nice today, Em. You always did look amazing in green." Rick said as he reached out his hand and covered hers.

Emma grabbed her hand back and stood up so fast, she knocked over the chair. It fell with a loud clang that startled her even more.

"Oops, I didn't mean to scare you." Rick said.

Emma went to respond when Sean came storming through the double doors, Randall on his heels yelling and Toby trying to hold him back.

Sean pushed them both off and beelined right for Emma.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt?" Sean asked immediately taking in the situation.

Emma nodded, barely able to speak.

"Toby, is that you my friend?" Rick called in his direction.

Toby immediately shrunk back as if he wished he was invisible.

"Hi, Rick." he said as coolly as possible.

Rick was attempting to make small talk with Toby while Randall looked on trying to decide what to do in this abnormal situation. Sean was just concerned about Emma.

"What happened?" He asked her quietly off to the side where no one else could hear.

"Nothing, he just startled me is all. He tried to grab my hand and i pulled away from him so fast it knocked over the chair. It wasn't that big of a deal, I'm just jumpy." She whispered back.

Sean's eyes practically bulged out of his head.

"He touched you?" He practically yelled.

Now THAT, Rick overheard.

"Well if it isn't Sean Cameron. Should have known you wouldn't be far behind Emma. You always did follow her around, even when you claimed to hate her." Rick retorted.

Sean rolled his eyes and turned to face Rick for the first time since he shot him.

"That isn't any of your business. But if you touch her again, Rick, all of this is over! I mean it!" Sean told him in a deadly tone.

Rick crossed his arms over his chest and stared right back.

"I don't believe you're in a position to be making demands here, Cameron. And Sergeant Randall, I seem to recall us making a deal. One that said Emma was to come into the room alone." He said, menace shooting out of his eyes.

"Yes, Mr. Murray we were just leaving." Randall grit through his teeth as he pulled Toby towards the door with him and gestured for Sean to follow.

But Sean wouldn't budge.

"Mr. Cameron…" Randall warned.

"I want to hear him say it."

Randall looked at him confused.

"That he won't touch her. He needs to say it." Sean explained, obviously trying to keep her temper in check.

Rick rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air.

"Fine! I won't." He agreed while attempting to look bored.

Sean nodded his head and turned to follow Randall out the door.

Emma took a deep breath and sat back down.

"Well, now that we're alone we can get down to business." Rick said once the room was cleared.

Emma looked at him confused.

"What business?" She asked.

"Emma I have something really important to tell you."

"Ok, what?" Emma asked even though she was terrified to know the answer.

"Well first off, I'm sorry for everything. I should have never threatened you the way I did. Sometimes, my temper just gets the better of me. And I know that you'll probably never forgive me, but I want to be honest with you. Honesty and understanding is the key beginning to a wonderful friendship. And everyone knows a friendship is the best foundation for a relationship. And that's what I want with you Emma. So I called you to these meetings to convince you that I'm the right guy for you."

Emma felt sick.

"Wait, that's what all of this is about? Because you think if you force me into a room for enough hours that eventually you'll find a way to convince me to love you?" She asked.

"I don't have to convince you to love me Emma. I know that you already do. I knew it then and I know it now. But I know that I have a lot of making up to do to get you to forgive me for everything. I know it will come in time." Rick just smiled at her.

Oh my god, he really truly was out of his fucking mind! Emma felt her skin crawl just hearing him talk.

And she had agreed to meet him for the next two months. How the hell was she ever going to get through this?

-X-

SO Yay me I updated! Haha. Send me some awesome reviews to keep me motivated!


	10. Regrets

The minute they left the cafeteria, Randall knew something bad was about to happen based on the looks of Toby and Sean. Sean looked as white as a ghost and Toby looked like he was going to puke. Sean leaned himself against the nearest wall and took a few deep breathes. Looked like he was going to be ok, but the kid looked worse for the wear.

"Toby, you ok kid?" he asked.

Toby went to respond when instead of words, a steady stream of projectile vomit came out instead.

-X-

Rick just kept staring at Emma expectantly, waiting for her to respond to his declaration of love. Meanwhile, all Emma could do was try to choke down the vomit that was rising in her throat at the thought and remind herself that Sean was just outside and that he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"Rick...tell me about Terri," she found herself finally stuttering out.

That was why she was here in the first place and their hour was almostt up. She didn't want to leave without getting any answers at all or then all of this would be for nothing.

The smile felll off of Riick's face at the question and he sighed angrily.

"What is there to tell? Terri betrayed me. I thought she was the love of my life until I met you Em. But she wasn't. Instead I found out that she was just like everyone else." he spat out.

His intense anger on the subject scared Emma but she forced herself to push throoough.

"How was she just like everyone else?" she asked.

"She didn't really love me, she was only pretending. She was constantly letting her stuck upfriends like Paige and Jimmy tell her what to do and did you ever see the way Spinner used to look at her? He was obviously madly in love with her and just using Paige as a front! I didn't like the way she always chose them over me and constantly disrespected me in front of them. So I snapped and pushed her. I didn't mean to get to angry but…" Rick's intense concentration suddenly stopped out of nowhere and he pasted that sickly sweet smile back on his face.

"But let's not talk about her right now. She could never mean as much to me as you do." Rick told her as he tried to grab for her hand again.

Emma saw it this time and pulled her hand out of his reach and under the table.

"Rick, you asked me here because I thought we were going to talk about Terri." Emma told him firmly trying to keep the conversation on track.

Ricky sighed and gave her a sad smile.

"Donn't worry, Emma, one day I'll get you to trust me again and then all talk of Terri won't matter anymore. But unfortunately, our time is up for today. I'm not allowed more than an hour so that I don't overexerte myself. Sorry you have to go but it's doctor's orders." he told her cheerfully.

At his words, a nurse came rushing into the cafeteria.

"Rick, sweetie, it's time for your afternoon medication."

He nodded her way.

"Ahh, Rhonda, right on schedule. This is Emma." he introduced.

Emma could tell by her facial expression that Rhonda knew exactly who she was. She gave Emma a sad smile and said hello. There was nothing Emma hated more than when someone gave her a look of pity. She nodded a hello and looked away in disgust.

"See you next week Em," Rick told her as Rhonda rushed him out of the room.

The minute they were gone, Emma let herself take a deep breathe to try and calm her nerves. Sean came rushing in seconds later with Randall on his heels.

"Em, you ok?" he asked sitting down next to her and putting his hand on her knee.

Emma avaoided eye contact with him but nodded.

"Just get me the hell out of here Sean."

-X-

Just as Jay pulled the civic into the parking lot and he, Manny, and Spin all crawled out and made their way to the front entrance of Smithgrove, Toby came rushing out.

"Toby? You ok?" Manny asked as he got as far away from the front door as possible and gulped in fresh air like mad.

"Yeah, I just...had to get out of there," he admitted.

Manny's heart broke for one of her dearest and oldest friends and before she even realized what she was doing, she had Toby pulled into a big hug. Toby melted against her and finally let the tears fall from his eyes. Manny continued to comfort him as he cried hysterically and Jay and Spin stood there in horror. Both ooof them feeling massive amounts of guilt for the prank that pushed Rick over the edge in the first place.

A few minutes later, Emma and Sean came out with Randall following closely behind them.

"Can we just meet you sometime later this week to discuss this Sergeant? I need to get Emma home," Sean was saying to the detective cordially but obviously not really even asking.

Randall sighed in frustration but knew he couldn't push Emma too far, she was all they had in trying to solve this thing.

"I'll have my secratary give you guys a call to set up a meeting. In the meantime, go home and get some rest. All of you. Today has been hard." Randall intruscted them before making his goodbyes and heading to his cruiser.

"Em, you ok?" Manny asked the second Randall was gone.

"Why don't we all just head back home? We can meet at Emma's tomorrow and discuss our game plan?" Jay suggested immeduiately boticing the panic on Emma's face.

He could tell that all Sean wanted to do was get her out of there and from the looks of Toby and Spin, heading home instead of talking might just be the best option for everyone.

Manny went to protest but Sean cut her off.

"That's probably a good idea. Jay would you mind giving Toby a ride home?" he asked.

Jay nodded.

"No problemo Cam, see you guys tomorrow." he said as he ushered his fianccce and a crying Toby and zombie Spinner back to the Civic.

As soon as they were gone, Sean led Emma back to his rental car and they drove back to Degrassi in a comfortable silence. But this time, when Sean tried to hold her hand, Emma pulled back and stared out the window.

She was starting to pull away from him, but this time? Sean would be damned if he let her!

-X

AN: So yay me I updated! REVIEWS PLEASE!


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